Oh God! Why me?

Written by Paula O’Sullivan

‘When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, ‘Why God? Why me? And the thundering voice of God answered, ‘There’s just something about you that pisses me off’ –Stephen King (quote)

Many of us spend our lives on our knees asking ‘Why me? And whether we believe in God or not we still ask this same question!  And we feel picked on!

Well let me tell you something I learned….Shit happens… it’s ain’t personal…and we have a choice to get up off of our knees and change our question. Yes… change our question from ‘Why me? To ‘How best can I handle what’s happened?’

Why am I suggesting this? Well if you stay on your knees, asking ‘why’ every time something happens, you’re adopting the role of a victim…you become powerless…life just ‘happens’ to you, and you’ll find yourself feeling just a tad helpless.

I’m all about sharing ways to empower….so the next time something happens, get up… stand up tall… and say to yourself…’ I am stronger than this’…. Now….what’s the best I can do in the here and now with what has happened here?’ Say to yourself… I am no longer a victim… I am an ingenious survivor…. I will survive……these words will give you strength… they will give you courage in the face of adversity… every time…

Say goodbye to thoughts of…  why?…what ifs…. isn’t it terrible?… I don’t deserve this…if only…..forget those thoughts…. forget them… they’ll keep you in misery…

We don’t need to know why things happen to us…we do need to know that we can turn it all around and start happening to things….

Your empowerment is merely a thought away… enjoy !

To Dream or not to Dream

Written by Paula O’Sullivan

Let me ask you a question. Are you afraid to dream? Oh I know some of you are asking yourselves is this women quite sane, I don’t mean dream as in when you sleep, I mean dream as in an ideal, an aspiration or ambition. And when put like this I suppose I do sound a bit crazy, but it’s just that I started to think about this a lot, as I have been focusing my thoughts on some particular aspirations recently, and I recalled a time not so long ago when I was afraid to dream, so I was just wondering if there were any other people like me out there.

I wrote a poem recently which kind of summed it up for me.

I’m not afraid

By Paula O’Sullivan

I’m not afraid to embrace my dreams,

No more fear for me,

I’m no longer afraid to think of them,

I’ve become brave you see.

Now I let my dreams play around in my head

Like joyful children.

So what if I fail?

So what if things don’t happen as I want them too?

So what?

I can dream again!

What would happen to me was that I would have an idea, but before I would even give it a chance I would dismiss it. It’s amazing I wouldn’t even bother to allow myself to think about it, not even a little daydream. I would think ‘What’s the point? I would think, ‘This can’t happen because….’ I would think ‘Don’t waste your thoughts on this, this is your lot and you have to stay here, you’ve made your bed and now you HAVE to lie in it’, crazy thoughts indeed!

Does any of this sound familiar? If it does I just want to tell you what I’ve learnt. IT’S OK TO DREAM! But that is all they will be, if you don’t take action. For me I was afraid to dream, because I knew I would have to do something if I let those thoughts into my head, and at the time I didn’t feel brave enough or strong enough to change. It was only when I was at my lowest, at my darkest hour, that I realized that I needed to set goals, I needed to have dreams, something to aim for, something to live for, something to strive for, a purpose, a something to keep me going upwards and forward. That’s when I decided to dream, that’s when I stopped being afraid, and I haven’t looked back since.

Now ‘To dream or not to Dream ’, that IS the question!

To just be… or to just do ?

Written by Paula O’Sullivan

I heard a phrase the other day, ‘Are you a human being or a human doing?’, and it caught my interest.

Now this could be interpreted in so many various ways, I just couldn’t resist writing about it!

There are so many schools of thought, with such conflicting advice, that a person  could get so easily confused with it all.

So ‘Human Being’, what could that mean? In some mindsets, it’s ok, it’s  acceptable… to just be… to just let life happen… to just be… to don’t do anything at all…don’t take control at all….let fate weave the tapestry of life…whichever way it pleases…and so what, if you’re unhappy…sure tis a hard life…and then we die…tis just another cycle isn’t it ? ….Ahhh…that’s life. Sure if it’s meant to be…it’s meant to be…don’t take any action…what you want will either wing it’s way to you or not….and if things don’t come your way…big shrug…maybe a sigh or two…completely … just being….no pressure here.

An interesting perspective!

 What is a human doing then? Is it a….frantic list maker… a control freak? Always out there trying very damn hard to make things happen their way…sometimes discouraged……sometimes angry that things don’t happen as they’d wish! Are they making it happen… with their perfect planning… believing that. nothing happens by chance…and if it does…whoa… didn’t see that coming did ya ? Or maybe you did, and had your contingency plans all set up, plan A, B and C all in place…plenty of forethought…every possible scenario researched and appropriate responses rehearsed in your mind, well before…the incident occurred. A dynamic conscious creator…creating your destiny….. or trying very hard to.

Do any of you recognise yourself here? Are you one or the other type? Are you a mix of both perhaps?

As I was writing this, I kinda thought that I might be nearer the Human doing  at this stage of my life, having spent the best part of my past in a very passive role, but now I think I’m a mix of both actually… Everyone has their own way in the world, what’s important I feel, is that we find a way that is ‘Right’ for us. I like to consciously create my life to a point and then step back and allow it to happen or not, kinda get out of my own way sort of thing. Confident in the knowledge that I’ll handle whatever happens. I do believe some things are meant to be, but I don’t sit back in the arm chair, expecting miracles if I haven’t actually taken any action to help things along at least a little bit!

So does this make me a Human Do..Be..Do..Be..Do ? Well it works for me at the moment!… I’ll tailor it to suit… as I go along!

 

On Acceptance

Written by Paula O’Sullivan

In the sea of life, there are many obstacles.

If we choose to see these obstacles as big huge ugly rocks,

we may be daunted as they block our passage.

However, if we see these rocks as a challenge,

then we can climb over them, or go around them.

If these two options are impossible,

we can always accept them, and look for another route.

By acceptance, the negative importance of these obstacles dissolves.

I wrote this many, many years ago, and wise advice though it may seem, I don’t think I actually realized the wisdom of it until just recently! I’d forgotten!

The mindset I held for far too many years was when something or someone blocked me from going where I wanted to go, I would meekly back away, give up, say to myself ‘Oh well it wasn’t meant to be’, heavy sigh ! And that would be the end of it. The fact that my plan didn’t run smoothly would be excuse enough for me to abandon all action!

Now that I am somewhat enlightened (laugh) I see things a bit differently. I recently decided to train as a Hypnotherapist. As someone very witty once said ‘We make plans… and God laughs’! Well it was kinda like that! One thing after another happened that I could have allowed to stop me, but didn’t. Instead I saw these obstacles as opportunities to pause for a moment, a chance to check in with myself, and ask ‘Do I really want to do this?’, and with each subsequent obstacle to ask myself again ‘Well how much do you want to do this?’, and I found myself reaffirming to myself that ‘yes’ I was going to train as a Hypnotherapist and nothing was going to stop me! And nothing will! I’ve completed the first part of my training and I am really excited about completing the second part.

So the next time you encounter an obstacle, take a few deep breaths, pause, and question yourself, ‘Is this for me, do I really want this?’ Don’t moan! Celebrate! Be happy! The universe has given you a choice, a chance to say YES or NO!

 

 

 

The Great Escape

Written by Paula O’ Sullivan

‘I find it fascinating that most people plan their vacations with better care than they plan their lives. Perhaps that is because escape is easier than change’ – Jim Rohn (quote)

Well I have to agree with him on that point, and it’s not only when we go to plan holidays that we escape either. Now even though I’m writing about this, I don’t want you to believe for a moment that I’m any different…I just love to escape…even now, writing this…I am escaping something far, far more important that needs to be done…and it’s sitting behind me…in a pile of paperwork that has to be read…and yet I still seek escape!

We all do it to some greater or lesser extent. Whether it is hours just browsing on the computer or hours in front of the T.V. or hours daydreaming of a better life…or if you are like me you’ll end up by doing anything that’s easier than the difficult stuff, til the very last minute, and your back is against the wall! Maybe I’m a secret ‘pressure junkie’ and didn’t know it! I amaze myself sometimes. .I will even choose to do the ironing…and pretend that I’m being productive…knowing that what I really need to be doing…isn’t actually being done! Arrrgh !

And here I am writing about this and wondering will my new found awareness make any kind of a difference at all? I even went to the point of making a list of all the things I  need to get done, and succeeded in ticking them all off…wait for it…except the most important thing ! It’s jumping off the page screaming ‘Pick me, pick me!

The problem with this is, if you keep doing it, then the important stuff may not get done or you’ll be so hard pushed for time, that if it gets done at all, then it won’t be done right.

So I did a little more escaping on the internet, and came up with a really great quote that will help us all to sort this out! (The law of averages, it can’t be just me who has this problem!) And maybe I feel a little bit better, knowing that it’s not only me this happens to !

 ‘Do something everyday for no other reason than you would rather not do it, so that when the hour of dire need draws nigh, it may find you not unnerved and untrained to stand the test –William James (quote)

Now, I don’t know about you, but  the thoughts of me being unnerved and untrained are a definite incentive to get up off my ass and get busy! Lol ! Hope it works!!!

 

 

Give me Patience !

Written by Paula O’Sullivan

‘Learn the art of patience. Apply discipline to your thoughts when they become anxious over the outcome of a goal. Impatience breeds anxiety, fear, discouragement and failure. Patience creates confidence, decisiveness, and a rational outlook, which eventually leads to success ‘– Brian Adams (quote)

Patience is a skill, patience is a virtue, patience comes natural to some of us but for many it’s something we have to learn. Most of us would be familiar with the proverb ‘All good things come to he who waits’, a wise observation ,but does it go a little unheeded in this super fast world? We can have meals in minutes from a microwave, we can connect with each other within seconds, no matter where we are in the world, we want everything now, we have become very used to having everything now, so have we forgotten how to be patient?

As I was researching for this article I came across a little quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson ‘Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience’, and that got me thinking, yes that’s it really… we only have to look around us to see this. Nature takes it’s time, it has a natural flow hasn’t it? Many of us are like impatient gardeners who sow seeds and before we give them a chance to germinate, rush out and start tearing them up again to see how they are progressing. I have experienced this in the area of personal growth at the beginning of my present journey. I wanted to be free of all the pain NOW. I was impatient that I would HAVE to read some books, listen to CDs etc I thought, this will take forever! I was impatient. But here I am eight months later, a patient person and I didn’t even set out to deal with being patient either! It just happened. I think it happened because I resigned myself to the fact that I couldn’t possibly learn all I needed to know in an instant, that it would take time, and that it didn’t actually matter how long it took, because the important thing was that I begin at once, because time passes anyway, so I set out to make each moment count, and I did, and I am, and I will continue.

When we develop patience we reduce stress levels, we become happier and healthier. We don’t get as angry with people and situations. We make better decisions, as we see the bigger picture more clearly, we take the time to assess the situation properly and lessen the chance of making big mistakes. We develop compassion, empathy and understanding, which helps our relationships become more fulfilling.

So how do we become patient?

 

1. Start with the thought ‘I am becoming more patient’. Choose a day to start and make a big effort that day to take your time about everything you do. Think about everything you do. Observe all the ways where you could be more patient, observe where you have made a difference by trying to be more patient and practice daily. Developing patience takes persistence and effort. Practice makes perfect!
2. Think before you speak, think of consequences, will your comment offend or hurt someone? Can you hold back saying something or making a decision until you’ve thought about it properly?
3. Slow down. Stop rushing around trying to hurry things up. Go with the flow. If you’re stuck in traffic, or in a queue, take the opportunity to enjoy the scenery. People watch, look at all the other angry faces! If you have music TURN IT UP! Or take a few deep breaths. Accept that you getting yourself worked up isn’t actually going to get you to the top any faster, so you may as well relax and enjoy the moment!
4. Accept that we can’t always have instant gratification. We need to plan realistically if we want to achieve goals for instance. Sometimes laying out a small series of stages can help us be patient in the process of achieving. ie stage 1, research, go to library, internet, find out what you need. Stage two, do a course, read a series of books etc, you see where I’m going with this?
5. Finally, accept that there are some things that we can’t change in our lives, and our getting impatient won’t help the situation, and if we ourselves can just do our best from moment to moment and day to day, I think it is possible for everyone to learn to be patient.

I’ll leave you with this thought provoking quote ‘He that can have patience, can have what he will’ – Benjamin Franklin. Wow! Now there’s a thought!

 

A Pause for Thought

Written by Paula O’Sullivan

 Here’s a question for you, have you ever thought about your thoughts?

You see, it’s just that I didn’t, well not until a few months ago that is. I always kind of took them for granted. It never ever entered my head, that I had the ability to affect my own thoughts, and if you’re like me (as I was then) you will notice, if you give this subject some attention today, that a myriad of thoughts enter our heads daily. We may wake up, and an avalanche of negative thoughts about our coming day, make us think twice about getting up. We think about everything that we don’t have, and about everything that we want, but feel we’re not good enough to get! We worry and fret over things that haven’t even happened and probably won’t ever happen! Worse still we constantly go over and over the past, re living past hurts and grievances, as if we could actually change the past! (We can’t folks, we really can’t)

     What I want to share with you all today, if you don’t already know this( if you do, please be patient with me, as I learn I share, if you’re more knowledgeable, please share with me ) is that we can actually filter our thoughts, yes it’s possible to stop all the negative crap from taking over your valuable brain. We can stop ourselves from wasting time re-living the past. We can stop ourselves from worrying. We can change our lives, when we discover that we have the power to think thoughts that will make a positive difference in not only our lives but to those around us too.

     Ok, I hear a big HOW? I guess I’d better tell you what I’ve learned so….firstly,

 

1. Be patient and kind with yourself, this takes time. Sorry no quick fix, it happens to you when it happens, but be consistent, it really works!
2. To clear our heads of negative thoughts we begin, one thought at a time. Keep your sense of humour, you’ll need it. The next negative thought that comes to visit your head, show it the door, and tell it to talk to the hand. The minute it comes in, say not welcome and replace it with something positive. Now don’t moan and say ‘aw, gawd that’s not easy’, just do it! Do it one thought at a time, every time.(or stay as you are, but I’m in a better place, I’ll show you how to get there, but you have to do the work!)
3. Re enforce positive thoughts by using affirmations, for example, ‘I approve of myself’, ‘I believe in myself’, ‘I love myself’, ‘I am strong in the face of adversity’, etc. Even if you don’t believe them at first, keep repeating. Use them everyday as often as you can for at least 30 days, this is the time it takes for us to form a habit.
4. Don’t feed your mind with negative stuff. You become what you focus on. Start seeking positive people to interact with, they will help you. Seek affirmation websites and books, CDs; bombard yourself with positive stuff at the start, so it will crowd out the negative thoughts. Believe you can achieve it and you will.