So what the heck do you want ?

February 1, 2011

So what the heck do you want?

I recently joined a dating site on the internet for singles and had to fill in a fairly detailed description of the type of person I wanted to meet. I put quite a bit of thought into this, as I feel it’s really important to be clear about what we want, otherwise how will we know when we get it, or get close to getting it?

I don’t know about you, but for my part, I’ve spent the best part of my life bumbling around not really knowing what I wanted, and the results of my confusion, was , surprise, surprise, confusion ! Yes a life times worth, full of a mixed bag of results, mostly stuff I didn’t want, oh yes and lot’s of frustration and unhappiness too! And I’m not just talking about partners here, it included everything. I’ve worked as a painter and decorator, a sales assistant, a display assistant, a sales rep, a sales manager and a taxi driver. Always searching, never finding.

Until last year, when I separated from a 17 year old relationship. I realized somewhere within all the heartache, that I had a choice, to go on repeating my life as I had always done, or I could start a new pattern,  it was scary but hey one year on, it was so worth it.

I started reading motivational books and as a result of what I read, I’ve combined it together into a  life plan, it’s not an original idea, but hey it works for me, so give it a go yourself if you’re lacking focus or direction in any part of your life.

Get the oul pen and paper out, go somewhere you won’t be disturbed, and give yourself a set amount of time to work on this. It is important, it is your life we are talking about here, assuming you don’t wish to continue to drift, ok you’ll land someday, but it may be far, far, away from where you want to be. So if you want to have a little bit of control, tis your choice.

On separate sheets write your titles, Relationship, Job, Money, Hobbies, Travel, Home etc.etc. Now take the first for example. Relationship, you may write something like my ideal partner is… caring, passionate, honest, treats me with respect, is kind….Please note if you are not honest yourself for example, there is no point looking to attract an honest person, we must already be what we seek in others or we won’t attract them, or if we do it won’t end in happiness, in my experience anyway, so be truthful, or change your character and be consistent in your change. Ok you know what I mean?  Next… my ideal job pays me a decent wage and I have more than enough to pay all my bills and enough to enjoy leisure time,  my ideal hours, location… etc.  Note no negatives, I haven’t mentioned what I don’t want, only what I do want. Sorry techy bit here, our subconscious minds believe what we constantly tell them, over time the more we focus on the things we do want, our little minds get real busy trying to find ways to make this become our reality. No I’m not nuts, I have a years worth of wonderful experiences I could share with you to prove this works.

Now you should be a little nearer to actually knowing what your ideal life looks like, now don’t sigh and throw it in the corner in frustration. Assuming you kept your ideals fairly realistic that is, you could have a cuppa and browse through one or two. Firstly can you believe it is possible for you to have a life like this? Believing is the first step to achieving. If you’re not sure, have a closer look at what you want.

Take relationships. If you’re single, what action can you take to attract your ideal partner? Write down a few ideas like, go out more, do a course, new hobby, dating site etc. If it’s a job, what do I need to be to get a job like this? Do I need training, do I need to approach an employer, do I know anyone who already works in this area, or could I write to the company and ask advice on how I could get employment there. Be creative. Ok, so draw up an action list. Now you may find that when you do this, that the things that seemed important are not as important now, and that’s ok, it’s your life. Focus on the important stuff for you and get going on making it happen.

For those of you in an existing relationship it could be a thing where you sit down and discuss regularly what you both want from each other, to keep the partnership alive and vibrant if possible, or as in my case, sorry hate to say this, call it a day and move on. I don’t encourage relationship break ups, but sometimes when too people move too far apart in what they want, they at least need to discuss their options. Life is too short to be unhappy.

Take some small steps every week towards your new goals, it may be putting a small amount by to save for a course, or reading some information to find out more, but slowly but surely if you persevere, and are determined, it will happen for you. Look at how a stream wears down rocks… persistence always wins. We give up too easily.

Ask yourself what do I really want and go after it.


February 1, 2011



‘Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed!’- Jonathan Swift (quote) Well I just laughed when I read this, and its true isn’t it? And maybe also a little bit sad too.

‘Sad?’ I hear you ask, ‘why sad?’ Well, because we do have expectations don’t we? We expect people to treat us with manners and respect, we expect our partners to be faithful and loving etc. etc. And I feel that these are reasonable expectations to have.

But what I want to discuss today is ‘Expectations’, the ones we create ourselves, the ones we make up ourselves and stick rigidly to throughout our lives.

You know, the ones that say things have to be this way or that way, and when they aren’t, we feel hurt or upset or disappointed, by our own making, I must add, because everyone is different, and so we all have made up different expectations, and this is why when we meet people or partners for the first time, it is probably not a bad idea if possible to discuss what we expect things to be like. And it’s probably a good idea to re visit these expectations from time to time to keep our relationships in good condition, as we can change our expectations without letting the other people in our lives know, and then we are hurt and disappointed and angry all over again when we don’t get what we expect, and then we feel that we are not understood, and this leaves the other person feeling somewhat baffled into the bargain!

So is it good or bad to have expectations at all? Well I guess that’s a personal choice, but having been through all of this for many years, I have recently come to the conclusion, and what is working for me, is not to have rigid expectations. I am allowing things to happen at their own pace. I no longer stand up and say this has to happen this way. So I’m finding things very different. It’s a little scary at first, because you’re kinda letting go of controlling things. But it’s about being open to possibilities happening differently to your preconceived ideas of the way things should be. And things are happening to me in my life that probably wouldn’t have happened before, and it’s all good, so I have no reason to complain.

Another area where we have expectations is in the area of giving. Sometimes we give with the expectation of receiving something in return, it may be a compliment or a gift or our time and we bargain in our heads, if I do this he or she will do that. Or we may be stingy and say they didn’t do or say this so I won’t do or say that. People if you’re on this tit for tat path I urge you to try another trail, because that path leads somewhere away from the village of Happiness, I can tell you.

Again, I recommend giving without expectation of return and see how things change for you. Try saying to yourself I lose nothing when I give a compliment, gift or my time. Expect nothing and you will not be disappointed, but you may well be surprised at some stage!

Let your love flow !

February 1, 2011


Let Your Love Flow

I read this wonderful quote, ‘Let your love flow outward through the universe. To its height, it’s depth, its broad extent, a limitless love, without hatred or enmity. Then as you stand or walk, sit or lie down, as long as you are awake, strive for this with a one- pointed mind. Your life will bring heaven on earth’ – Sutta Nipeta

Wow, is it possible? But how can we do this? Have you tried this? Are you experiencing heaven on earth? I am. I have been sending my love flowing outward through the universe for quite a few months now and my life really has changed, for the better.

This is possible, but I feel we have to begin at the beginning. Yes you know what’s coming don’t you? Yes, love yourself first. Learn to love yourself, accept yourself, forgive yourself, compliment yourself, be kind to yourself, and listen to yourself. Why? Because then you will find it easier to be compassionate with others. Because you will adopt the attitude of’ treating others as you would like to be treated’, so you will be kind to others and listen to them and forgive them and compliment them and accept them.

Yes it’s possible, I’m doing it. No it’s not easy. No I’m not perfect and never will be. But I’m determined to get better at this, everyday I try harder to love more, to give more. A few months on this path and I can tell you it is so worth the effort.

The world looks so completely different from where I’m standing now. If you strive for nothing else, strive for this. Let your love flow. Find your bliss !


February 1, 2011


When you arise in the morning and the suns not shining, can you be excited about the scent of the rain, or the anticipation of the wind playing with your hair? (Or your clothes, if you don’t have hair!) Do you greet your day with passion and energy, knowing that whatever happens, that you will handle it, you will get through, no matter what?

Do you awaken with the intention of sharing your love and light with all? Or do you cast shadows on all you meet?

Can you smile anyway, everyday, even though sometimes your heart is breaking, because you know there are others out there who need your smile today?

We have choices everyday. We can make each moment meaningful, we can add light to our world, we can help uplift, motivate, inspire, encourage ourselves and others or we can meet out world with a vengeance. We can spend everyday trying to get back at the world, because we’ve experienced hurt, we lash back at someone else, as if that makes things better, and still the hurt sears our hearts. We can be ungrateful, moan, complain and gossip. We can hurt everyone with our poison, or we can supply an antidote –LOVE. Yes love heals all.

We can choose to meet our world with love today, we can choose to rise and be grateful for all we do have now. We can smile and be kind to ourselves, our family, our partners, our co workers, strangers, neighbours etc. We can choose to be unselective in our kindness and love and decide that it will be given to all today, with no expectations of return, with no obligations attached.

Or we can be glum, growl the words thank you and not mean them. We can scowl at everyone we meet. We can be a victim of circumstances if we like, just repeat this mantra

‘Oh poor me, what have I done to deserve this?’ all day long. We can drag everyone down that we meet, with all our illness stories and burdens and problems. And hey well done, we’ve achieved something here, we’ve added to the world’s misery, what a legacy!

Having been ill last year, at the beginning there was a temptation to sink into the victim mode; I was going for a lot of hospital tests, each one more terrifying than the last. But something clicked within me, and even though I felt awful, I went out and got my hair done, and then I bought myself some new clothes. Okay so I wasn’t getting any sympathy, people started commenting on how well I was looking, and you know what? After a while I did begin to feel better. And then I began to focus on being better, it was a choice you see. Oh and, I’m better now, luckily for me.

Our attitude good or bad will determine our experiences. Oh I’m not saying you will get better if you’re ill and you change your attitude, you may, you may not. But I think we add to our own suffering sometimes. We make the passage more bearable, when we don’t moan and groan!

Ok so the menu is on the table. What’s your choice for today? Are you going to make each moment meaningful, or are you going to wallow in self-pity? Today this moment, this minute, is your opportunity to add something positive to your world. What’s it going to be? Mmmmmm………?

Find your joy and share it with others !

February 1, 2011

Find your joy and share it with others

I found a beautiful photo for my computer; it has a wonderful vibrant blue sky in it, some lovely yellow sunflowers, and the words ‘Find your joy, and share it with others’. Every day when I read this, it reminds me of my mission, my purpose for living; to share my joy!

It’s funny how a few little words can put us back on track. I’ve been collecting quotes and inspirational sayings and also posting them on my facebook pages for quite a while now and I’ve just decided to frame a few, and place them around the house. As I pass them they’ll give me little inspirational boosts throughout the day. Last year I had a few pinned on the wall in my bedroom, and when I was feeling a bit low, the right one always caught my eye, just when I needed it!

As I sat down to pen this article, I thought, ‘Now how exactly can I help others to not only find their joy, but encourage them to share it too?’ This is not an easy question, but hey I like to shake the cobwebs out of my brain every now and again, so here goes with my humble suggestions!

I always like to lead by example whenever I can, so I guess I’ll begin with what makes me joyful and perhaps you’ll get some ideas from there!

Well as I’ve mentioned, reading quotes and sharing them with others makes me joyful. I carefully choose the ones with positive messages, in the hope that they will make a difference to the person reading them.

Smiling, yeah I know, very simplistic of me, but since I learnt to smile regardless of what happens, I have felt joyful. I get up and smile. It’s inside me now. I’m not mean with it, I give it to everyone I meet, even strangers, and there has been many a sad face I have brightened up with my smile, so hey find yours and share it, see what happens.

A sense of humour is a must. I do not take my life or myself too seriously. Don’t get me wrong I’m not a reckless sort of a person,  I read a quote by Gilbert K.Chesterton, ‘Angels can fly, because they take themselves lightly’, and we  can have wings also, if we take ourselves lightly too. Lighten up, enjoy your life. Laughing and smiling are great for relieving stress, and I have photos to prove this, you’ll look younger if you smile and laugh a lot, I look younger now than I did ten years ago! I find something to laugh about everyday; I look for the funny side of life often. It brings me great joy!

These are some of the simpler things we can use to find our joy and share it, if you’ve got some talent, share it with the world, shine your light, sing, dance, paint, write, take photos, act, the list is endless, but let someone see what you can do, don’t be shy ! Hide it under a bushel, NO, I’m gonna let it shine!

So hopefully after reading this you’re on your way to finding your joy and you’ll be more than willing to be generous and share it too now  won’t ya ?

Are you the poison or the Antidote ?

February 1, 2011

Are you the Poison or the Antidote?

I was just thinking ‘Don’t our words and actions speak so much about us?’ and don’t the things we say about others really reflect the type of people we are?

I suppose when you become more aware and begin observing your world; you do start noticing this kind of thing more.

I know some of you may think ‘Hey here’s another crazy gal’, but for those of you, who are open to perhaps making some little difference, please read on.

Sometimes when I am listening to others, it cuts me all up inside at what they say and do to others, their tongue has become a sharpened dagger which never misses its target, their actions become deadly missiles of destruction always reaching their destination., and here’s the scary bit, most people aren’t actually aware that they are doing this. They are in a position of hurt and pain themselves, and they have reacted unconsciously with poison.

And the crazy thing is, we are surrounded by it and it has become so socially acceptable to gossip, criticise, judge and talk about others, that you could listen in on a conversation almost anywhere and see the same  threads been woven. It’s become acceptable to live in a tit for tat world… or has it?

We have a choice, we always have a choice, to not gossip, to not complain, to not judge, to not take an action that will affect another in a harmful way, to not think those thoughts at all… we have a choice to be an antidote, and when we change, others change, or else they stop distributing their poison in your company, they just won’t feel comfortable about it anymore.

 So poison or antidote ? What will it be for you today?

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