So what the heck do you want?
I recently joined a dating site on the internet for singles and had to fill in a fairly detailed description of the type of person I wanted to meet. I put quite a bit of thought into this, as I feel it’s really important to be clear about what we want, otherwise how will we know when we get it, or get close to getting it?
I don’t know about you, but for my part, I’ve spent the best part of my life bumbling around not really knowing what I wanted, and the results of my confusion, was , surprise, surprise, confusion ! Yes a life times worth, full of a mixed bag of results, mostly stuff I didn’t want, oh yes and lot’s of frustration and unhappiness too! And I’m not just talking about partners here, it included everything. I’ve worked as a painter and decorator, a sales assistant, a display assistant, a sales rep, a sales manager and a taxi driver. Always searching, never finding.
Until last year, when I separated from a 17 year old relationship. I realized somewhere within all the heartache, that I had a choice, to go on repeating my life as I had always done, or I could start a new pattern, it was scary but hey one year on, it was so worth it.
I started reading motivational books and as a result of what I read, I’ve combined it together into a life plan, it’s not an original idea, but hey it works for me, so give it a go yourself if you’re lacking focus or direction in any part of your life.
Get the oul pen and paper out, go somewhere you won’t be disturbed, and give yourself a set amount of time to work on this. It is important, it is your life we are talking about here, assuming you don’t wish to continue to drift, ok you’ll land someday, but it may be far, far, away from where you want to be. So if you want to have a little bit of control, tis your choice.
On separate sheets write your titles, Relationship, Job, Money, Hobbies, Travel, Home etc.etc. Now take the first for example. Relationship, you may write something like my ideal partner is… caring, passionate, honest, treats me with respect, is kind….Please note if you are not honest yourself for example, there is no point looking to attract an honest person, we must already be what we seek in others or we won’t attract them, or if we do it won’t end in happiness, in my experience anyway, so be truthful, or change your character and be consistent in your change. Ok you know what I mean? Next… my ideal job pays me a decent wage and I have more than enough to pay all my bills and enough to enjoy leisure time, my ideal hours, location… etc. Note no negatives, I haven’t mentioned what I don’t want, only what I do want. Sorry techy bit here, our subconscious minds believe what we constantly tell them, over time the more we focus on the things we do want, our little minds get real busy trying to find ways to make this become our reality. No I’m not nuts, I have a years worth of wonderful experiences I could share with you to prove this works.
Now you should be a little nearer to actually knowing what your ideal life looks like, now don’t sigh and throw it in the corner in frustration. Assuming you kept your ideals fairly realistic that is, you could have a cuppa and browse through one or two. Firstly can you believe it is possible for you to have a life like this? Believing is the first step to achieving. If you’re not sure, have a closer look at what you want.
Take relationships. If you’re single, what action can you take to attract your ideal partner? Write down a few ideas like, go out more, do a course, new hobby, dating site etc. If it’s a job, what do I need to be to get a job like this? Do I need training, do I need to approach an employer, do I know anyone who already works in this area, or could I write to the company and ask advice on how I could get employment there. Be creative. Ok, so draw up an action list. Now you may find that when you do this, that the things that seemed important are not as important now, and that’s ok, it’s your life. Focus on the important stuff for you and get going on making it happen.
For those of you in an existing relationship it could be a thing where you sit down and discuss regularly what you both want from each other, to keep the partnership alive and vibrant if possible, or as in my case, sorry hate to say this, call it a day and move on. I don’t encourage relationship break ups, but sometimes when too people move too far apart in what they want, they at least need to discuss their options. Life is too short to be unhappy.
Take some small steps every week towards your new goals, it may be putting a small amount by to save for a course, or reading some information to find out more, but slowly but surely if you persevere, and are determined, it will happen for you. Look at how a stream wears down rocks… persistence always wins. We give up too easily.
Ask yourself what do I really want and go after it.