Hidden Ability

February 11, 2015

Tripod

I recently developed a passion for photography, and after taking more than a few blurry shots, I decided to invest in a tripod.

It was a grand little tripod, it seemed to be kinda short, and even though my 50 year old creaky knees were complaining as I contorted myself into the unusual positions required to get those amazing shots from a lower perspective, I was quite content to bide my time until I would invest in a higher one.

All this changed one day when I went out for a photo shoot with a friend Mary, from our local photography club. Mary hadn’t got a tripod of her own with her, and I offered her a loan of mine, so that she could get a close up of some interesting flora without camera shake.

‘Doesn’t it go any higher?’ she asked, ‘My back wouldn’t be able for this’, she said. She vowed she would get a taller one, and mentally so did I.

The following week we met again, Mary was proudly sporting her new tripod. We spent an hour and a half taking pictures, she with her taller one and me with shorty.  As we made our way back towards the car, I noticed her folding up her tripod and clicking it in place, and that was when I discovered that my tripod was exactly the same as hers. ‘Oh look Mary’ I said, unclicking the catch as a long tripod leg was released from its prison, ‘We have the same tripod, and I never knew!’ I couldn’t stop laughing as I unclicked all the catches excitedly to reveal a tall tripod!

Now how many of us are like this tripod? We go through our lives not really knowing what we can do until we observe someone else doing something. For me in my life experience, the catch that needed to be discovered and opened was a belief. I believed I couldn’t. It really was that simple, all my life, I said repeatedly to everything, ‘I can’t’. Two very simple words that made my life a misery. But back in 2009, I decided to take the‘t’ off the word can’t. I then wrote I CAN, on some bits of post it notes, and put them everywhere. Every time my little mind said ‘I can’t’, I would find a post it, to remind me of what I wanted to achieve.

It’s amazing what a difference dropping a letter makes. Suddenly I was filled with fear, if I could do everything that I always said I would do, but had been using the excuse of ‘I can’t’, now I was accountable for myself. Now I would have to do those things, no more excuses. It was a revelation, albeit a scary one. This also gave me an opportunity though, to go past the fear that I had, and see that yes I could now do things, that I couldn’t before, but did I really want to do them? Aha… what a moment of freedom that was. It was then that I started to enjoy my life, as I decided to focus on the things I did really want to do, and then to put some effort into finding out how to do them, and to practice often so as to gain confidence. It was then I discovered my hidden ability and you can too… but only if you want to.

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Can ‘Love’ be a Verb?

February 10, 2015

Love is a verb

Most of us have been conditioned into believing that ‘Love’ is something external. It just happens to us, we fall in love or someone falls in love with us. We don’t share any sense of responsibility regarding love. It’s a feeling that just takes us over and can leave us just as quickly.

I saw a post on facebook recently that stated, ‘don’t expect people to love you, sure they don’t even love themselves’. Is this true? I suspect in the majority of cases it is.

For me anyway it was kinda like that. My mum told me frequently in the early years how much of a surprise I was to her, she hadn’t been expecting to have any more children, she meant no harm in saying it, but I grew up not feeling wanted, not loved and somewhat abandoned emotionally. My parents didn’t find it easy to express love, they seemed kind of detached. It is said that we will seek what we’ve never had, so I sought love, I sought support, and I sought people who would prove to me that I was wanted. I played the same scenes over and over throughout my life, different faces, but the same disheartening results.

I would arrive at every new relationship armed with wants and needs, a giant gaping void inside my heart looking to be filled, looking to be made complete, looking for someone to give me what I didn’t have myself, but there was always something missing, and I didn’t know what that was.

It wasn’t until my marital relationship of 17 years broke up, that I began to question my beliefs about love.

I realized that I hadn’t viewed ‘Love’ as a verb, an ‘action’ word. I had seen it as something you got from others. Had I been seeking to ‘get’ not ‘give’, all my life? ‘Perhaps if I had brought what I could give, in more abundance, than my expectations of what I could get, would this have changed some of my experiences?’ I asked myself. But I also became aware that in my desperate need for love and acceptance, I had put everyone else’s needs first as I didn’t feel worthy enough to ask for what I wanted.  I still couldn’t be sure, there was still that emptiness, the something missing inside me. Most of us just want to love and be loved in return, we want people to be nice to us, to respect us, to understand us, to support us when we need support. We want to feel wanted, not abandoned in our times of need.

But what if we are not loving ourselves first? What if we don’t support, respect or we abandon ourselves on a regular basis? What if we can’t even keep the promises we make to ourselves, let alone the ones we make to others? Can we really expect others to give us what we don’t already give to ourselves? Are we all just mirroring those unhealed parts of ourselves back and forth with others? And what if we only feel loved if others tell us we are? Is our worth tied up in that ?Then we’re in real trouble I think, you only have to look at the Jesus story to see that, one week people will be celebrating us, the next they’ll be wishing us a speedy demise ! How can any of us really be there for anyone else, if we’re not there for ourselves first?

It was with trying to find answers to these questions that I began to change my views about ‘Love’.

If I wanted to feel loved, I would have to learn how to love myself first. I needed to develop a strong central core of love inside of me, one that didn’t crumble at each rejection. That meant learning to like and accept who I was at that time. It was a difficult process. I had spent 44 years telling myself things like, I was ugly, not worthy of love, and that I was stupid etc. etc. There was nothing I liked about myself. Reading Louise Hay’s book, ‘You can heal your life’ really helped me at that time. She encouraged people to look in a mirror and actually like what they saw, among other deep work. It took me a long time to like and accept who I was. This work is emotionally painful but well worth it. I gradually accepted who I was and had been. I also became aware of aspects of my personality that weren’t serving me or anyone else for the better.

Learning to love yourself is a very transformative process. As you begin to love yourself, you stop and reconsider those things that might harm yourself, or others. You begin to observe your thoughts, your behaviours and your words. I took a personal oath to ‘Do no harm’. I began to see the sacredness of all life, mine and others, human, animal and environmental too. I began to see the effect that I was having on myself and others and I began to live, to think, to speak and to behave more consciously. I found what nourishes the soul.

And no, people didn’t suddenly come rushing into my life to support, love, respect and be there for me, some did, some didn’t, but it didn’t matter anymore, because I was there for myself, I respectfully stopped caring about peoples’ opinions of me, and while I recognised that emotional independence was better that emotional dependence, I still also knew that the best to aim for was emotional interdependence, which is when people are there for each other and themselves at the same time, both giving and receiving freely without conditions or expectations. Both wanting the very best for all concerned, celebrating life, not destroying it. From then on I chose to spend time with people who were living consciously more often than those who weren’t.

So to make Love a verb, I decided to just love. I began to practice listening better (stay with me, I’m a work in progress) I began to try to understand others before I expected to be understood. I sought to see what I could give in every situation rather than what I could get. Instead of looking at how useful people could be to me, I began to see how useful I could be to them instead, in every interaction. In the hope that I could leave others happier and better off than when I found them. A kind word of encouragement, a friendly smile, a genuine compliment. No, not to get anything, not to gain ground or friendship, not to get people to like me, or to be persuasive or manipulative,  and not in a premeditative way, only ever spontaneously, just so that I could practice being loving to all, yes even those who were not nice.

We are all working within the realms and limitations of our current awareness. We are all doing the best we can with what we know, when we know better, we do better. Knowing this, helped me to forgive my parents. They did not know how to love themselves, so they found it difficult to show their love, and they didn’t know how I allowed that to affect me. This also allowed me to practice forgiveness in general and to cut people a bit of slack, are any of us ever fully aware of how we affect others? Those who are in deep emotional pain, who don’t love themselves, are the ones who cause the most distress for others with their words and actions.

When we practice loving, we are there for ourselves first, but not in a selfish way, we consider others, but we nourish ourselves from the well first, before we have enough nourishment in us, to give to others. We don’t feel we’re losing anything in being nice, and  we can be more there for them, with much less resentment. When we love ourselves we can learn discernment, we can set up a healthy emotional bank account that has more deposits than withdrawals, for healthy balanced relationships, as regular attempts are made to meet everyone’s needs. And we can set healthy boundaries and not allow ourselves to be treated in ways that destroy our spirit.

So how can we begin? We must first make some space to get to know ourselves, to be able to watch and observe our thoughts, our actions and to notice the affects they have on ourselves and others. Create a sacred space or sacred time that’s just yours. Go out into nature, go into a room by yourself, or go to bed earlier or later than others to find that quiet time. Place your hands over your heart centre, the centre of your chest, close your eyes and breathe in and out slowly and deeply for a while, until you feel a measure of peace, and ask yourself, ‘How can I love myself and others more?’

I also found this very powerful visualization to help you put things into perspective. Close your eyes, breathe deeply a few times. Now imagine you are at the end of your life, you have one hour left to contemplate all that has brought you to this point. If you had the time over again, what would you do differently? How would you have treated the ones you loved? What would have said, that you didn’t say? What would you have liked to do in your life that you didn’t do? What regrets do you have?

Now open your eyes, you’re still here, you’re still alive, that last hour may be nearer than you think. You now have a chance to change what you will be thinking about at the end of your life, when it does come. What will you do differently from now on?

The answers may surprise you!


Is This the End of Your World?

December 20, 2012

New Beginning
Written by Paula O’Sullivan

My son said to me the other evening, ‘Mom is the world really going to end on the 21st December? I know you know something about this, won’t you please tell me. I feel you are like a prophet or something’. And I replied, ‘Well if you’re power hungry and egotistical, son, then your world will begin to end, in fact it already has begun!’ We both laughed.

No I’m not a prophet, some of us are just here on Earth to show a different perspective, way showers if you like, pattern interrupters, that’s what we are. You hear so much about the world ending, media hype and mockery, disaster movies etc., so much that some people haven’t a clue what is happening, and others are almost frightened to death at what might happen. So I just thought I’d share what I feel about all this from my different perspective.

Now I’m not going to explain about planetary alignments, energy shifts etc., there is plenty of information out there for anyone interested in this. Do I believe in it all, yes I do, I can feel it myself, as a spiritual person.

What I need to share with you is this basic information that will help you through these trying times. Let me ask you a few questions. Have you had a good year so far? Has your life been full of struggles, relationship conflicts etc. etc.? If yes read on, you need to know this.

From my perspective, 2012 has been all about releasing the old, unwanted and unnecessary in our lives. The 21st December 2012 represents a new beginning of consciousness. The New World. The New Heaven and New Earth, which I believe this text from the Bible also refers to. “Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea” (Revelation 21:1).[1] I believe that the sea represents what separates us. I don’t believe that it means the sea will actually disappear. Let me explain further for those of you who don’t understand yet.

The old world is what we have now. We generally don’t love ourselves, so we don’t really know how to love other either. We judge and criticise and condemn ourselves and others. We are separated from each other in our minds; we see each other’s differences, skin colour, wealth, poverty, education, possessions etc. We see that we are different to them. We are focused mostly in our ego minds. We see it as us and them. Even though we are all human, we all live and breathe, smile and cry, have feelings and emotions, we do not see the connection with each other. We have become selfish and self-absorbed.

Religions have compounded the separations between nations, as beliefs differ; we feel we are right, and that they are wrong, that we are saved because we believe something that another doesn’t , enough so that people die because of their different beliefs. Living in our Ego minds, we look for offences and differences so we can defend our tightly held beliefs. The Religions have programmed their believers to think of their God and Saviour as an external entity, a something outside of themselves, something that you are not worthy of to have within yourself. Thus, forever leaving you forever helpless and powerless. There are many religious symbols around the world of the unripe pine cone which represents the pineal gland, or third eye. It’s the seat of the soul for spiritual awakening. The fact that the pine cones are unripe says it all!

Some are waiting for the return of their Saviour. But what if I suggest to you that we are made in Gods / Spirits / Creators) image, that the Kingdom of God (or Good) is already within you? What if you knew that part of that Higher Power / Spirit / Creator, whatever you believe, was already inside you and everyone else too? How different would you view your world then? Would we be killing each other then? Would we be allowing people to starve to death? Would we allow the tortures, the abuses, the dishonesty? Would we harm another in our thoughts, words or deeds? Would we? No, I feel we wouldn’t, because we would see that we are all one. We would see that we are all connected, the same, under the same stars, moon and sun. We would begin to work together, not against each other.

We would then be beginning to live from our hearts. 2012 from my perspective is the era of Christ Consciousness. Your Saviour hasn’t to yet arrive; it was already here all along, inside of each of you, where you never thought to look. Just waiting for you to wake up and realize the Love, the Good, the God, the Spirit, the Higher Power that is already within each of us. We are here to save ourselves and each other together.

We all have Free Will. We all have a Choice. You can choose to stay in the Old World way of Mind based decisions, or you can now see that we have an opportunity to move to Heart based decisions and A new World, a new beginning.

So you’ve been having a rough year have you? Most of us have. It’s been a battle between head and heart really. Head (Ego mind) wanted everything to go their way. It was full of expectations of how things must be. When that didn’t happen, you felt powerless didn’t you? Reality is usually different from our expectations. Maybe you tied up your feelings of worth in your possessions, or relationships, and felt like a failure if they didn’t work out? Ego mind had fun this year! Maybe the conflicts began because you needed to be right every time? Being right, makes others wrong you know, it gets the defences up. Guaranteed to brew an argument! Perhaps you didn’t communicate honestly, more lies, more deceiving… drives the wedge between relationships. So are you tired of the same old, same old scenarios yet?

This is what 2012 and especially the 21st December is all about as far as I’m concerned. It’s a choice between living and continuing your life and your relationships through your Ego mind, or between living through your Heart. You already know how the old game goes, so I won’t go into that. Here is how the new game gets played if you’d like to join me we could find a New Heaven and a New Earth and discover that the sea that separates us, no longer exists, because we are all one and connected in Love.

*Let go of expectations of how things should be, and start accepting things as the really are. Then you can decide if you would like to make some positive changes.

*When making decisions, ask yourself, ‘Is this for the Highest Good of All?’

*Decide to be Kind, instead of being right.

*Become more accepting, observing, not judging. Develop qualities that make you feel good and will help others to feel good too.

* Learn to love and accept yourself. Be kind to yourself. We mush nourish ourselves from the well first before we can nourish others. This takes time, bit by bit.

*Build up a sense of self-worth, so that you no longer tie up your happiness in other people or things. So that if those things are gone you have developed a sense of self and you will not crumble or dissolve when they are gone. You will then find that happiness is also within you. I developed an attitude of Gratitude. Now everything is enough, I no longer have those cravings for more, more, more. I no longer see what is lacking. I am satisfied, I am content, I am at peace. The Ego mind is never satisfied, you must be aware of this. Living from your heart will bring you peace.

* Stop trying to control everyone and everything. We can only control our own behaviour.

*Communicate honestly with people, speak your truth, openly and honestly and move away from fear to love… your heart will guide you, use your head to reason out consequences of your actions and to sum it up really simply, I basically treat others as I would like to be treated, even if they don’t treat me that way, I show them how. We reap what we sow, so what seeds are you sowing? Look in your garden, what is growing there? Is it a barren plot? Or a weed strewn heap? Or a garden full of blossoms that bring you joy?
Old World, New World? Your choice, your thoughts, your words, your actions have already begun to create it. The old ways are moving away.

So is your world ending or just beginning?


Remind me Once Again

July 30, 2012

 

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It’s really nothing personal you know… it’s just that we had a sacred contract to remind each other who we are… that’s all… we still have free will… we can choose the path we’ll travel… into the light … or into the darkness… it’s our choice.. it’s nothing personal.

 

I can be anyone…your child, your parent, your lover, your sister, your brother… I am the man who’s black, white, yellow, red, whose different skin colour bothers you…the person of another creed who doesn’t believe the same things you do… I fill you with fear don’t I? Because, I am different from you, or separate, or so you think, or so you believe.

 

I am the woman you can’t stand the sight of, maybe I’m ugly or overweight in your perception, I don’t fit into your concept of perfection, so I become the object of your contempt. Maybe I’m poor, perhaps I have an addiction, or I’m covered in tattoos, I’m the hobo on the bus, the homeless person lying in a cardboard house in the rain, you know, the one you avert your eyes at as you pass.

 

Let’s not make eye contact whatever you do, for then I’ll remind you, who you are. And you may not like that reminder, it might make you feel uncomfortable, make you feel like you should be doing more.

 

Walk on my friend, even if we didn’t connect or make eye contact this time, the truth is, you saw me there at my worst, or when I was vulnerable, or lost, or in pain, but I still reminded you, of who you are. And who you are, goes home with you, like a shadow, that never leaves, whispering uncertainty and doubts in your ears.

 

Many life times ago, we agreed to meet. I told you I would come.

 

I came to show you how to have compassion, but you chose to walk blindly by. I came to show you tolerance but you chose to react with intolerance. I came to teach you love but you closed your heart to me. I came to teach you patience but you couldn’t find the time.

 

It’s okay, don’t beat yourself up with remorse or regrets, I’ll come again, in another guise, and another, and another, I’ll keep coming to remind you, of who you are. And one day maybe you’ll see that.

 

Maybe you’ll see who you are, and maybe you’ll like what you see, and maybe you won’t. But you’ll see, and when you do, you’ll realize that, who you are, is a choice. And you’ll see that you make that choice, and that it doesn’t really matter what has gone before, because you cannot change the past, you can only change how you think about the past. But what really matters now, is what you are going to become now. This moment… ask yourself… who am I? Do I like what I see?

 

Are you bringing out the best in others or the worst?

Are your intentions skilful or unskilful?

Do you track the future possible consequences of your words and actions?

Are you out to harm or to heal the people you meet?

 

I am here to teach you that there is another way. I am here to remind you again, of who you are, today.

 

 

 


Let the Healing Begin

July 28, 2012

 

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A few years ago, if you’d have asked me was I a healer, I would have laughed at you for even asking me something like that. I didn’t feel worthy or good enough for such a gift.

Yet life is funny and throws some amazing lessons at us to learn, and I discovered that not only was I a healer, but that we all have the ability to heal within us, if we just know how.

For me, it began a couple of years ago. I developed a stress related illness. It started with severe headaches, and fatigue that floored me. I became slightly forgetful, had bad aches and pains in my bones, found that my legs, arms, face etc would become numb with tingling sensations, my speech would slow down and sometimes I was scared that I’d have a stroke. I would go out for a walk fine, and come back limping. I had many tests which didn’t show anything conclusive. I had an idea in my mind that I may just end up in a wheelchair, and I resigned myself to the fact that this was it.

My life wasn’t terribly exciting anyway at the time. I wasn’t happily married, things weren’t right. We were struggling to make enough money to live on. I had no friends left, as I gave them up when I married. I had no interests except the TV, my kids and a bottle of wine at the weekends. I already felt dead inside, and life had no meaning at all for me. I rarely smiled, there was no joy in me, and to be honest there were days when I spent hours considering ending it all. I think the only thing that kept me here was my kids; I wanted something better for them. I was a very ungrateful, negative thinker at the time, and I spent a lot of time trapped in a cycle of worry and fear. I had a lot of unresolved conflicts inside of my head, I had guilt, un forgiveness, frustration and anger all unexpressed and bottled up inside of me. I felt that life wasn’t fair, I felt like a victim and I was blaming the world big time. It’s no wonder I became ill.

Luckily in the course of the tests I was undergoing, I met a person who was so kind and attentive, that it woke me up. That person was just doing their job, it was unconditional kindness they were giving as part of their service to the world and it made a difference.

I realized that I hadn’t ever experienced kindness before; I realized that no one had ever really listened to me before, and suddenly I wanted to be kind to someone, I suddenly wanted to be or do something that would make another person feel alive inside like I did. This is where healing begins, when we reach out of our own darkness and want to help another person out of theirs.

This is where my present journey began in earnest, suddenly I had a purpose. I wanted to be kind, I wanted to help others, I didn’t know what I wanted to do, or how I would do it, as I was an early school leaver with little or no education, but I had a mission and that was a start. I began to read books like Louise Hay’s ‘You Can Heal Your Life’ and explored my thoughts and emotions. I learnt about energy fields , did courses in Chelation and Reiki, I explored Hypnosis, NLP etc I just kept asking questions, and when we start asking questions, we start getting some answers.

I discovered that we play a big part in our own wellness. I discovered that yes holding onto anger, hurt or pain, do steal your energy, they bring the frequency down, and when that happens , we can become ill. So let them go, oh yes by all means express yourself, but then let it go. Wellness is all about creating harmony and balance in our bodies. Address, accept and release if you want to heal. An imbalance of any emotion isn’t good for us. If you are angry all the time, or never angry, there is an imbalance. If you are always joyful, or never joyful, there is an imbalance. Find the point in-between the two.

Don’t let the world affect you too much, but have compassion. Don’t take the world personally. We are human, we are perfectly imperfect. We hurt each other, let each other down all the time. Accept that without losing heart or becoming bitter. Learn to love anyway, regardless of what happens to you, it’s an intention, a journey, you may never reach perfection, but you will free yourself of unnecessary suffering if you can love anyway. There is more than one way to perceive the world and what is happening.

You’re probably asking yourself, did I heal? Yes I am well now, all the symptoms long gone. Are we ever fully healed though?  Well maybe when we die we reach that perfection! I believe that life will give us many wounds to heal as lessons present themselves to us. We can become bitter or better. We can manifest illness, or wellness. I use body intuition now. I ask what my body needs. If I start to feel unwell, I see what emotions, or thoughts I’ve been harbouring, I check my diet, exercise, relaxation, work life balance etc. if I need to rest, I rest. If I need to nurture myself I do that. I don’t smoke and I gave up alcohol. I look at the part I’m playing in creating the imbalance (Illness) and I seek to address it before it manifests into something again. So far so good.

I believe that if we can first accept where we are in life, and add some gratitude for where we are and what we are learning from the experiences, then, we can turn around and start asking the questions.

For me, on hindsight, the illness could have been a great excuse to just opt out of a boring, mundane life that seemed to have no place for me in it. It would have been so easy to ignore the niggling thought, that something wasn’t quite right, that I should be doing something more meaningful. It would have been so easy, to wallow in all the attention an illness can bring. It would have been so easy to fill my life with the endless drama of hospital tests and visits, and retired into my illness until I became it.

But something far greater was calling me, and here I am. I went on to train in Hypnosis, and Reiki, and now I’m embarking on Life Coaching. Is this better than been ill? Undoubtedly! Did I get to be kind and help people? Oh yes, all the time, and it’s so very rewarding.

 

So are you ready to start asking some questions?

Is my life all I want it to be?

How could it be better?

If I took full responsibility for my actions and the part I’m playing in what is happening in my life, how would things be different? People only get away with being mean to us, if we allow them to. Stop blaming. Stop allowing them to be mean. If that’s a part you play, recognize it.

If you are ill, what is the illness stopping you from doing, and what would your life look like if you weren’t ill, what would you have to do if you weren’t ill? (And I know that not all people who are ill can get better, but every illness is drawing our attention to something that remains unresolved in our lives I believe) So maybe if you deal with the underlying issues, you may find symptoms relieve somewhat, worth a try, no guarantees though.

If I communicated my wants and needs openly how would my life improve?

These are just some questions you could ask yourself. I discovered that is so very easy to make excuses as to why things are the way they are, but when we see that we can have choices instead of excuses, we can choose more wisely, and choose to make things that are important to us, a priority.

You can be part of the darkness or part of the light. Part of the problem or part of the solution. Just know the part you’re playing, know that you are choosing either one or the other, become aware, and make a conscious choice today, if you want things to be better. Start adding some joy to your world, or start adding more misery, the choice is yours my friend, as we have free will. But just know that you are not powerless in all of this. You have within you something so amazing and beautiful, that if you could see what I see, you would cry tears of joy at the miracle of it all. The sad part is that most of us live and die without ever realizing what treasure we hold within, and we never give the world the benefit of that abundance. So find your treasure and please share so that all may receive the wealth that you have inside of you. You are precious, can’t you see that?

Are you ready to let the  healing begin?


Unapologetically Yours – Re discovering your Authenticity

July 19, 2012

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Can you hear the whisper in the breeze? Come back, come back it implores, come back to source. Come back to love, come back to the old ways, to the simplicity, come back to your heart, and let your ego be quiet. Listen to me, listen to me it whispers, listen to me it implores, come back, come back, come back to source.

We’re born authentic, we just learn how not be, as we grow up. We learn that being ourselves pisses some people off, so we change, and we change, until we wake up one morning and no longer know who we really are. We are a montage of others expectations and desires and needs. It’s so sad.

Re discovering your authenticity takes time and patience. It requires a flexible approach. It’s difficult to know where to begin, it’s hard to know what kind of questions to ask, but start asking you must.

Being authentic means being genuine, reliable and trustworthy. Maybe that’s a good place to start. Ask yourself, am I any of these things, and if I’m not, that’s okay, but how can I get to be them? What do I need to do? And most importantly of all, do I really want to become these qualities? Or am I getting some form of payback by not being them? All our behaviours have some form of payback, otherwise we wouldn’t do them.

How do I become genuine? By being true to yourself first. Stop saying yes, when you really mean no. Stop doing or saying things that you know people what to hear or see. Become aware of what you really want to say or do. This doesn’t give you a licence to be uncaring, unhelpful, selfish or insensitive either! A genuine person will kindly explain in some instances why they don’t want to do something. I do it all the time, I say thanks but I’m not up for that at the moment, or I’m a bit drained right now, could you please ask someone else to do that, for example. The world goes on with or without you, and most people will respect your honesty, rather than your unwilling participation. Say what you mean and mean what you say. It takes awareness to do this. Become aware of the things you say or think, and question them, is it true, or is it something a friend, partner or parent always says? Does this really represent you? Chip away at all the bull, you’ll find yourself in there somewhere. I did.

How can I become reliable? Do what you say on the tin! When you align what you think, with what you say, with what you do. There will be no conflict inside of you, and if you say you’ll do something, or you’ll be somewhere, or you say you are a certain type of person, then you will be, because your thoughts, words and actions will show that. There will be harmony within.

How can I become trustworthy? Well, for a start, treat others as you would like to be treated. If you want to be let down, lied to, cheated on, used etc keep going as you are, if you’re like that. No one will trust you, except the odd fool, but even they will cop on eventually. Begin by becoming what you would like to experience with others. Be honest with yourself first. Know what you want and need, and communicate that as openly as possible with others, without fear of their disapproval. Develop an image of yourself as being trusted and being trusting. Take full responsibility for your actions, and stop blaming others, for the part you played.

Let go of your need for approval from others. Catch yourself out, when you do this. Become aware of it.  Most of us have this child inside us wanting to be seen as the good boy or girl! I laughed when I became aware of this in me. Now I couldn’t give two hoots if you approve of me or not, I do my own thing, it’s very liberating I can tell you.

I no longer worry about or care what anyone thinks. Of course there are limits, the world may not always understand you, there will always be someone who disapproves of you, or the way you think, or the way you dress etc. But when you are being authentic and true to yourself, that won’t really bother you too much, as you’ll see that the issue isn’t with you after all, as you now accept yourself… you’ll see that the issue is now with them, and it’s their problem to solve.

For now you are happy and authentic and unapologetically free!

I’ll leave you with two quotes.

“Real isn’t how you are made,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.’

‘Does it hurt?’ asked the Rabbit.

‘Sometimes,’ said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. ‘When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.’

‘Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,’ he asked, ‘or bit by bit?’

‘It doesn’t happen all at once,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
― Margery WilliamsThe Velveteen Rabbit

“There is nothing more beautiful than seeing a person being themselves. Imagine going through your day being unapologetically you.”

― Steve MaraboliLife, the Truth, and Being Free


What Would Love Do Now?

July 19, 2012

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A while back I discovered a very useful principle that could be used with anyone and in most situations. The WWLDN (What would love do now) Principle lends an element of acceptance and empathy, that can create an oasis of calm for the eager practitioner.

Of course to practice this principle we must first be clear on exactly what love is.

So what is love?

Mmmmm, so many things spring to mind with the word love. Let’s keep it simple shall we?

Love is… patient… love is… kind… love is….understanding… love is supportive… love is…encouraging….love is… non judgemental…love is…non clinging… love is…non controlling…. love is…accepting… love is…gentle…. love is….forgiving… love is having a sense of humour and not taking things too personal… ok…. You see where I’m going with this?

The problem with most of us, is that we have been programmed most of our lives. We have been programmed to have rigid views and expectations. We see characters acting out scenarios on TV, showing us the way it should be. We see our parents, friends, family etc role modelling modes and opinions of accepted behaviour. And when something similar happens in our lives, we go into a kind of auto pilot response, of how we should be reacting, we don’t even think about it, and we can see or hear our mum, or our dad or whoever, in our heads, telling us how to argue with our spouses, partners, and friends. We hear those voices telling us not to let them away with it, or we see our TV characters behaviour in our minds and off we go, re creating some drama or other. Pretty scary huh! I think it is, and for a lot of my life it was exactly like that. Until I discovered, the WWLDN Principle.

So how does this change things?

Well…. Your kids are screaming at you and you are tempted to react like your mum, dad, friend etc. but you know it will mean you getting angry, maybe losing control again, and spending the rest of the day feeling guilty and apologizing, but knowing deep inside that you have damaged your relationship further, and that someday it will be too late to say sorry. So you pause for a moment and think What Would Love Do Now? And you think about what element of love is most appropriate in this situation. So maybe you’ll explore being kind, or being patient for example. And you notice that the anger dissipates, and over time your relationship heals.

Or your neighbour who always manages to push your buttons in a negative way and brings out the worst in you is moving in for the kill yet again and you’re fired up to give him/ her a piece of your mind, and you can feel the pressure in your head already as your blood pressure rises… and you pause for a moment and ask yourself… What Would Love Do Now? And again you explore the most appropriate component of love for this situation, so you may decide to just understand their point of view, or you may decide to be non controlling and let go of the need to be right. You might even bring some humour in and say to them, yes you’re right, I agree, and then walk away, watching their chin drop to the ground. Ego loves to be right, and if you let them be right without it becoming a personal issue for you, you might even get to have a little chuckle to yourself about the whole thing.

My life has changed in the most amazing ways since I started incorporating it into every interaction and situation. I can already see the difference of outcomes as compared to my pre WWLDN phase.

There are always opportunities to interrupt the way we’ve been programmed, and the WWLDN Principle is a great way to do this. Give it a go; see what kind of positive difference this makes in your life!


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