A few years ago, if you’d have asked me was I a healer, I would have laughed at you for even asking me something like that. I didn’t feel worthy or good enough for such a gift.
Yet life is funny and throws some amazing lessons at us to learn, and I discovered that not only was I a healer, but that we all have the ability to heal within us, if we just know how.
For me, it began a couple of years ago. I developed a stress related illness. It started with severe headaches, and fatigue that floored me. I became slightly forgetful, had bad aches and pains in my bones, found that my legs, arms, face etc would become numb with tingling sensations, my speech would slow down and sometimes I was scared that I’d have a stroke. I would go out for a walk fine, and come back limping. I had many tests which didn’t show anything conclusive. I had an idea in my mind that I may just end up in a wheelchair, and I resigned myself to the fact that this was it.
My life wasn’t terribly exciting anyway at the time. I wasn’t happily married, things weren’t right. We were struggling to make enough money to live on. I had no friends left, as I gave them up when I married. I had no interests except the TV, my kids and a bottle of wine at the weekends. I already felt dead inside, and life had no meaning at all for me. I rarely smiled, there was no joy in me, and to be honest there were days when I spent hours considering ending it all. I think the only thing that kept me here was my kids; I wanted something better for them. I was a very ungrateful, negative thinker at the time, and I spent a lot of time trapped in a cycle of worry and fear. I had a lot of unresolved conflicts inside of my head, I had guilt, un forgiveness, frustration and anger all unexpressed and bottled up inside of me. I felt that life wasn’t fair, I felt like a victim and I was blaming the world big time. It’s no wonder I became ill.
Luckily in the course of the tests I was undergoing, I met a person who was so kind and attentive, that it woke me up. That person was just doing their job, it was unconditional kindness they were giving as part of their service to the world and it made a difference.
I realized that I hadn’t ever experienced kindness before; I realized that no one had ever really listened to me before, and suddenly I wanted to be kind to someone, I suddenly wanted to be or do something that would make another person feel alive inside like I did. This is where healing begins, when we reach out of our own darkness and want to help another person out of theirs.
This is where my present journey began in earnest, suddenly I had a purpose. I wanted to be kind, I wanted to help others, I didn’t know what I wanted to do, or how I would do it, as I was an early school leaver with little or no education, but I had a mission and that was a start. I began to read books like Louise Hay’s ‘You Can Heal Your Life’ and explored my thoughts and emotions. I learnt about energy fields , did courses in Chelation and Reiki, I explored Hypnosis, NLP etc I just kept asking questions, and when we start asking questions, we start getting some answers.
I discovered that we play a big part in our own wellness. I discovered that yes holding onto anger, hurt or pain, do steal your energy, they bring the frequency down, and when that happens , we can become ill. So let them go, oh yes by all means express yourself, but then let it go. Wellness is all about creating harmony and balance in our bodies. Address, accept and release if you want to heal. An imbalance of any emotion isn’t good for us. If you are angry all the time, or never angry, there is an imbalance. If you are always joyful, or never joyful, there is an imbalance. Find the point in-between the two.
Don’t let the world affect you too much, but have compassion. Don’t take the world personally. We are human, we are perfectly imperfect. We hurt each other, let each other down all the time. Accept that without losing heart or becoming bitter. Learn to love anyway, regardless of what happens to you, it’s an intention, a journey, you may never reach perfection, but you will free yourself of unnecessary suffering if you can love anyway. There is more than one way to perceive the world and what is happening.
You’re probably asking yourself, did I heal? Yes I am well now, all the symptoms long gone. Are we ever fully healed though? Well maybe when we die we reach that perfection! I believe that life will give us many wounds to heal as lessons present themselves to us. We can become bitter or better. We can manifest illness, or wellness. I use body intuition now. I ask what my body needs. If I start to feel unwell, I see what emotions, or thoughts I’ve been harbouring, I check my diet, exercise, relaxation, work life balance etc. if I need to rest, I rest. If I need to nurture myself I do that. I don’t smoke and I gave up alcohol. I look at the part I’m playing in creating the imbalance (Illness) and I seek to address it before it manifests into something again. So far so good.
I believe that if we can first accept where we are in life, and add some gratitude for where we are and what we are learning from the experiences, then, we can turn around and start asking the questions.
For me, on hindsight, the illness could have been a great excuse to just opt out of a boring, mundane life that seemed to have no place for me in it. It would have been so easy to ignore the niggling thought, that something wasn’t quite right, that I should be doing something more meaningful. It would have been so easy, to wallow in all the attention an illness can bring. It would have been so easy to fill my life with the endless drama of hospital tests and visits, and retired into my illness until I became it.
But something far greater was calling me, and here I am. I went on to train in Hypnosis, and Reiki, and now I’m embarking on Life Coaching. Is this better than been ill? Undoubtedly! Did I get to be kind and help people? Oh yes, all the time, and it’s so very rewarding.
So are you ready to start asking some questions?
Is my life all I want it to be?
How could it be better?
If I took full responsibility for my actions and the part I’m playing in what is happening in my life, how would things be different? People only get away with being mean to us, if we allow them to. Stop blaming. Stop allowing them to be mean. If that’s a part you play, recognize it.
If you are ill, what is the illness stopping you from doing, and what would your life look like if you weren’t ill, what would you have to do if you weren’t ill? (And I know that not all people who are ill can get better, but every illness is drawing our attention to something that remains unresolved in our lives I believe) So maybe if you deal with the underlying issues, you may find symptoms relieve somewhat, worth a try, no guarantees though.
If I communicated my wants and needs openly how would my life improve?
These are just some questions you could ask yourself. I discovered that is so very easy to make excuses as to why things are the way they are, but when we see that we can have choices instead of excuses, we can choose more wisely, and choose to make things that are important to us, a priority.
You can be part of the darkness or part of the light. Part of the problem or part of the solution. Just know the part you’re playing, know that you are choosing either one or the other, become aware, and make a conscious choice today, if you want things to be better. Start adding some joy to your world, or start adding more misery, the choice is yours my friend, as we have free will. But just know that you are not powerless in all of this. You have within you something so amazing and beautiful, that if you could see what I see, you would cry tears of joy at the miracle of it all. The sad part is that most of us live and die without ever realizing what treasure we hold within, and we never give the world the benefit of that abundance. So find your treasure and please share so that all may receive the wealth that you have inside of you. You are precious, can’t you see that?
Are you ready to let the healing begin?