Climbing Out of the Abyss – Part 6

November 1, 2014

Mindfulness

Mindfulness

Previously we’ve discussed how thoughts, visualization, foods, disassociation and self-talk can help lead us out of depression. Now let’s explore mindfulness.

The word ‘Mindful’, means taking heed, or care, being conscious. And the word ‘Conscious’, means being aware and awake.

Most of us are not really aware or awake, we think we are, but we are really running on auto pilot, continuously being in a state of ‘Reaction’ or ‘Resistance’. Mindfulness means paying attention on purpose. Being here and now with our present experiences in a non-judgemental way. Nothing is perceived to be either good or bad. Situations can be thought about in many ways.

‘Reaction’

We are like a boat without oars, being pushed this and that way, as life throws stuff at us. Our reactions are based on thoughts about past experiences, or fearful thoughts of the future. We are rarely present in the now moment, yet that is the only time we have some control.

 ‘Resistance’

Something happens that we don’t like or want, and we set up resistance in our mind to it. When we resist something, our body and mind perceives this as a threat to the natural balance of things. We trigger the stress response and we stop our minds from finding solutions.

 

Tips for being mindful

 

  • When your thoughts go to the past or future, gently bring them into the present moment. Take a few slow deep breaths in and out. Notice your surroundings. Be kind and patient with yourself. Say ‘I’m ok now in this moment’
  • Develop a sense of gratitude. Say ‘I have more than enough’.
  • If you’re feeling angry, sad etc. do not judge the feeling, say ‘Oh here’s comes anger, what brought that on?’ In that mindful moment you have a chance to reflect or react in a different way than you did previously. You will no longer be reacting on auto pilot.
  • Do one thing at a time and be fully present with it. If you’re drinking or eating, taste, smell, notice texture etc. When washing the dishes, feel the suds, see the rainbow colours. In the rain, look at the droplets on a branch, there’s a tiny world reflected there. If walking, notice your feet connecting with the ground, feel the sun, or wind, warmth of your clothes, look at the sky. If with someone, listen carefully to what they say, really look at them, hear them. Be present.
  • If ill, in pain, depressed etc. Listen to your body, what’s it trying to tell you? If you’ve got a headache, ask yourself what was happening in your life prior to that? If you have pain, what is paining you in your life? What emotional conflicts have you not dealt with? What thoughts or emotions do you hold onto that might create pain for you. If you are getting frequent colds etc. your immune system has been weakened by stress, not nurturing yourself etc. Ignore it and other things may happen to draw your attention to where your body feels out of balance. If you’re depressed or feeling low, what are you resisting? What can you not accept? What can you not forgive?

With mindfulness, we can become aware and rest before our body makes us. We can create new meaning in our lives and improve the relationship with ourselves and others.

Part 7 Self- Esteem

Paula is an Author/ Hypnotherapist / Reiki Healer / Artist in Blessington Co. Wicklow. www.i-want-a-better-life.ie / paulaosullivan1@gmail.com / Phone 086 0848398 All her articles to date are on her blog www.paulaosullivan@wordpress.com

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Climbing Out of the Abyss Part 5

September 17, 2014

              Self-Talk

Self Talk

‘You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens’ Louise L. Hay (Quote)

In previous parts I’ve mentioned how our thoughts, mental pictures and foods can affect our moods, and I’ve shared techniques for disassociating from painful memories. Now let’s discuss self -talk.

What is Self-talk? It is the inner voice in our minds which provides us with a running commentary on everything in our lives. It can be either positive or negative. A lot of our self-  talk developed in early childhood based on the things we heard others say to us and about us, or the things we observed others saying in general. We were young and impressionable and we believed what we heard. We form unconscious agreements in our beliefs about ourselves. We become who we repeatedly tell ourselves that we are.

When I was depressed I told myself many things that kept me down, unhappy and sometimes even suicidal. I constantly criticized myself and told myself over and over that I would fail, that I was no good, not worthy, stupid, ugly and fat. My mantra was ‘I can’t’.

To change anything we must first become aware of where we are. We have to catch ourselves thinking, we have to listen to the inner dialogue. We have to talk back and say ‘No, I don’t agree with that anymore, that’s my old conditioning, that’s something my parents/ friends/ partner/ teacher etc. used to say, and that might have felt true for them, but it doesn’t feel true for me, I want something better for me now!’

I discovered a RUT, was only a Record of Unhelpful Thoughts! I learned to not believe everything that I thought, that a belief is simply a thought we keep thinking repeatedly, and that by thinking different thoughts, that we can create different beliefs. In creating different beliefs we can change our habits and behaviour, and hey, there is one big exciting world out there waiting for us when we do this.

Want to feel better in yourself?

  • Listen to your self-talk.
  • Is it supportive of the person you want to be, or the life you want to have? If not, challenge it and change it.
  • If you’re calling yourself ‘stupid’ for example, say instead ‘No, I’m not stupid, I’m just doing the best I can with what I know now, and when I know better, I’ll do better and I sure won’t do it that way again after this though!’
  • Balance the talk, if you say ‘There are no jobs out there’ say instead, ‘There are plenty of people working in the type of jobs they like, I’m just finding it a little bit difficult to find one, is there anything I can do, training etc. that would give me a better chance? If not what else can I do with the free time I have?
  • When you say something to yourself, ask if there is any evidence to support that thought, are you just assuming, is there another perspective to view this from? Would you speak to a friend the way you are speaking to yourself?
  • Ask, ‘Is this thought serving me, will it bring me to where I want to go in life, will it make me feel better or worse?

In Part 6 Mindfulness

Paula is an Author/ Hypnotherapist / Reiki Healer / Artist in Blessington Co. Wicklow. www.i-want-a-better-life.ie / paulaosullivan1@gmail.com / Phone 086 0848398 All her articles to date are on her blog www.paulaosullivan@wordpress.com


The Code of Life

August 8, 2014

 

Code

 

Recently, I was trying to figure out how to place a paypal button on my website. I’m not very techy minded and I wouldn’t have known what a html code was if it came up and bit me!

I spoke with a few people who told me it was a really easy thing to do, just put the code in where you want it they said. The problem was, all I could see was the picture on the page. I pressed the html link and just saw what seemed to be gobblygook, a whole page full of it. I thought I must have done something wrong again, and I left the computer in utter frustration.

While pondering how I was going to figure this out, as I sipped my coffee, sending frantic help pleas into the universe, cosmic mind, my angels, guides and anyone out there who could possibly help. I tried to direct my focus to what I did want. In my mind, I could see the buttons on my page, I could feel my delight, and in my mind I was saying, ‘Yay, I did it, high five’. And suddenly in a flash of insight, I understood, that behind the page I was looking at, was an underlying code, and that if I inserted the code for the paypal button in a certain place that it would appear where I wanted it to go on the page. And within a few minutes the job was complete.

Now anyone of you who are familiar with my writing will know that I didn’t come here to write about computer codes. This experience got me thinking that isn’t this all a bit kinda like our lives? I mean here is our reality, sort of like a computer page. Sometimes the page is fine, it has everything you want on it, and sometimes you’d like to add or subtract something, but don’t know how. And many of us go through our lives, sometimes in despair, trying to find a way to do that. And yes there are millions of people on the internet willing to sell you the secret of doing this for a price, which when you’ve paid for it, you find out later that some of the information is incomplete, and that you couldn’t possibly get there without this missing piece…. for another price of course !

So what I want to share with you is a code for life, so that you can put exactly what you want on your page. I’m not saying it’s the only way, there are many paths up a mountain, who’s to say they know the right way? Try and see if it works for you, what’s right for me may not be right for you, and vice versa.

It’s so simple, you’re going to just say ‘No way, it has to be more complicated than that’. But let me tell you, it’s not and doesn’t have to be. It just takes a bit of practice and repetition that’s all.

We were all born with the most amazing gift, rich or poor, black or white, educated or uneducated, sick or well, male or female (or both) old or young, all have been given this gift. But we have been programmed to misuse it or disregard it since birth.

This gift is your imagination and the power to direct your thoughts in any direction you choose. Your thoughts and your imagination are the code to create a different reality, a different picture on your page.

Ok you’ve probably heard this kind of thing before. But do you know about the ‘Observer Effect’ that was discovered in Quantum Physics?

Scientists found out that it was the observer that created the result. That everything was kind of random until they observed it, and that what they observed formed different patterns, depending on the expectations of the observer. Everything in the universe except energy, is matter, and matter is made up of atoms, and atoms are made up of mostly empty space. Never trust an atom, they make things up lol.  Wow, now for me that was a kind of a mind f**k!

What this means is that our reality, is affected by our observation. What this means is, the more you observe something in your life, whether wanted or unwanted, it will have to stay in your awareness. Now this is what the law of attraction gurus will tell you, ie focus on what you do want, feel as if you already have it now, and even the bible, which has been unkindly edited of all the best stuff, has a few references to this. Here’s one, ‘Whatsoever things ye desire, when you pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them’ Mark 11.24

And that’s all fine and dandy, sometimes I found that worked really well and other times it didn’t appear to be working, and I wondered why. I mean my reality seemed pretty damned real. Albert Einstein apparently said ‘Reality is an illusion, albeit a persistent one’, and hey I’d agree with that!

Then I came across the ‘Universal Spiritual Laws’ I’ll briefly mention some of them here, it’s kind of like the html code, if you want the page to appear, there are certain rules you must abide by. Well, whatever you want, must align with these natural laws. It will also work for whatever you don’t want too. So if your life is not as you want it to be, take note, for this is where you are directing your thoughts and imagination. Focus only on what you do want to appear in your life.

Law of Divine Oneness: everything is connected to everything else, and we affect each other and the universe with our thoughts, beliefs and deeds.

Law of Vibration: everything in the universe moves, and vibrates in circular patterns, everything has its own vibrational frequency, including thoughts, feelings etc.

Law of Action: we must engage in actions that support what we want to manifest.

Law of Correspondence: as above, so below, as above in heaven, universe, so below on earth, and also as above in your mind, imagination, thoughts, so below in your body and reality.

Law of Cause and Effect: every action has a consequence, so we reap what we sow.

Law of Compensation: the visible effects of our deeds or what we have sown are given to us in the forms of gifts, blessings, inheritances, friends etc. We don’t always receive from the person we have given to or have been nice to, but it always comes back to us in some form or another.

Law of Attraction: thoughts, words, deeds, feelings etc. produce energies. Like attracts like energies, negative attracts negative, positive attracts positive.

Law of Perpetual Transmutation of Energy: we all have the power within to change conditions in our lives. Energies have higher or lower vibrations, by raising our energies we can transform lower energies.

Law of Relativity: everything is relative, there is always someone worse off than us. We all experience problems, or tests of initiation, if we can see these as a challenge and stay focused in the heart when solving them, we strengthen the light within us and can move closer to God Source.

Law of Polarity: everything has an opposite, we can transform undesirable thoughts by focusing on the opposite. We can transform an undesirable life by focusing on the desired life.

Law of Rhythm: everything vibrates and moves to certain rhythms, these establish cycles, seasons, stages of development, patterns etc. We can rise above negative cycles, knowing that this too shall pass.

Law of Gender: everything has its feminine (yin) and masculine (yang) principles, the basis of all creation. Passive and active, thoughts and deeds or action. Nothing happens until something moves. We strive for balance to create what we want.

So to summarize: everything is energetically connected, your thoughts, words,  deeds or actions, all effect someone or something, somewhere. Everything you think, feel and do has a consequence. We can walk the path of the beast and be beastly or the path of the angels and be angelic or just kind. Everything is made up of energy and this can vibrate at higher and lower levels. Lower levels manifest illness, drama, hassles etc. They can be found in addictions, negative thoughts, emotions, poor diets, stress etc. Positive thoughts, emotions, deeds, healthy diets etc lead to higher vibration levels and health, harmony, peace and better spiritual connections, allowing for higher consciousness etc.

We will reap what we sow, if you sow cabbage seeds, don’t expect a rose bush to grow! Our thoughts and actions will determine our experience of reality. We will attract what we hold in our mind, body and emotions. If you hold unto fear, you will attract things to be fearful of. If you focus on undesired outcomes they will continue in your reality.

I have done my own experiments with this. I’ve attracted abundance by focusing on the abundance I already have, gratitude attracts more things to be grateful for. I’ve attracted peace and harmony by focusing on it (‘I can choose peace rather than this’ is a good mantra to help) We can even get people to show us their nicer side, by only allowing our thoughts, imagination and emotions to dwell on the desired behaviour.

People entrain to our subconscious expectations of them, and we get to see the behaviour we expect to see. I found that some people do show me their better sides more often, and that some energetically polarize when I do this, they become uncomfortable around me, or they just move out of my experience and don’t bother me. Either way I don’t have to put up with undesirable behaviour very often, it’s a win, win for me J ! I found that by meditating on the words, ‘Perfect love casts out fear’ when with people who are unpleasant, that they move away quickly from me or change their tune. People act the way they do because of their fear. Try to understand it is their fear. We all have the capacity to be fear or love. Send them love, it will either raise their awareness and consciousness to enable them to see what they are doing, or they will not understand your energy of love, and will be afraid and will move away.

If we want to have a different experience, we have to practice it in our thoughts, feelings, words and deeds because like attracts like. We must be what we want to see. If we want peace, we must cultivate peace within. As within us, so without in our lives. As above so below, as above in our minds, so below in our reality.

So give it a go, hopefully you’ll all succeed with creating the page you want and the reality you really desire, and please do let me know how you get on, I would love to hear about your experiences with this!

Happy Creating!


Climbing Out of the Abyss (Part 2)

August 3, 2014

Positive Mind Movies

‘Nurture your mind with great thoughts, for you will never go any higher than you think’

Benjamin Disraeli (quote)

Visualization

 

In part 1, I shared how if we change our thoughts, we can change how we feel. Most people think it works the other way around. They feel depressed and they wait for the feeling to pass, and it may or may not. Being aware of types of thoughts though, at least offers you a choice in the matter. Oh I’m not saying this is going be a fast and easy thing for you. We all have good and bad days where we’re more or less able to deal with stuff.  Checking our thoughts can be tiring. But choose a day when you feel up to it, and then begin.

Also when we are depressed, we play disaster movies in our minds. We can’t picture ourselves coping, or of things working out for us. Here’s a little exercise for you to create positive mind movies instead. Write down how you do want to feel. What do you want your life to look like and how do you want to see yourself coping with whatever happens in your life. I would often call up an image of myself as a strong survivor, admittedly sometimes it was of me standing on one plank, barely afloat, with one arm waving a flag, but hey I was still standing, I was still here! We need to keep our sense of humour!

Close your eyes, imagine a private movie theatre with a freeze frame of you on the screen. You are safe here. Choose a scenario that you want to be better in. How do you want to see yourself acting? How do you want to feel? What do you want to look and sound like? Now press play and practice seeing, feeling and hearing the new you. Press pause, think of what you want to change. Then rewind fast, pause and play the new scene. Repeat the scene a few times and then press save. Anytime the disaster movie comes on in your mind, eject and play the new movie instead. Keep improving on what you want. If you can see it in your mind then you’re already halfway there. When you are comfortable with what’s in your mind, you can then start to practice it in your life.

You probably weren’t born depressed, so if that’s the case, then you acquired a certain way of thinking that has affected you. Each thought, forms and strengthens a neural pathway and reinforces that way of thinking, which affects your behaviour and beliefs. Well you can reverse that, it just takes some time.

Another thing I found useful were affirmations, short positive sentences, like ‘Each and every day, I get better, and better in every way’ I wrote them out on post it notes and stuck them everywhere. Every time I started to feel a bit low, one of them would catch my eye, and remind me that I wanted to feel better, and I would imagine feeling what I wanted to feel. I would repeat them a few times when I awoke, and again when I was drifting off to sleep. This is your body’s natural hypnotic state, your mind is in alpha theta brainwave, and is very susceptible to suggestion, so be kind to your mind at these times!

In Part 3 How Foods Affect Moods

Paula is an Author / Hypnotherapist / Reiki Healer, based in Blessington, Co Wicklow http://www.i-want-a-better-life.ie


Climbing Out of the Abyss – Coping with Depression (Part 1)

August 2, 2014

‘Every thought is a battle, every breath is a war, and I don’t think I am winning anymore’ – Author unknown

Thoughts

Have you ever visited the Abyss? I’ve been there more than a few times in my life, and I’ve never once sent a postcard with ‘Wish you were here’ on it! It’s not a good place to be! I was depressed most of my life until about 2010 when I learned some techniques. I’ve never been on medication for it. Sometimes it is necessary though, so always consult your doctor and don’t go rushing off to drop your medications after reading this, which can be dangerous. These suggestions can be incorporated whether on medication or not. I just want to share with you what has helped me.

To change anything, first you’ve got to decide that you want to feel different, better and happier. You’ve got to want this more than the depression. Second, you need to become aware of the types of thoughts you’re having. There are two ways of thinking.

The worst way: To remain in a depressed state we have to focus on all that is going wrong or has gone wrong, keep thinking negative thoughts, have thoughts of self- blame, perceived failures, have lack of faith in the future or have negative expectations. We have to focus on the worst that could happen, to criticise ourselves and tell ourselves things like ‘I can’t’  and ‘I doubt it’, which inevitably will lead to overwhelming feelings of despair, hopelessness, fear and lack of control. We have to not accept the reality of present, past or possible future situations.

The best way: To escape the cycle of depression we must begin to think in a better way. The best way focuses on accepting the reality. ‘Ok, I don’t like what happened to me or what is happening, or I don’t know what will happen to me, but how best can I cope with that reality, right now, where I am, with what I have ? What is the best thing I can do right now? And if there is no action I can take, how best can I survive right now? What is going right? What do I actually have right now? When we ask our minds the right questions, it opens the door to our subconscious mind, which has all the answers. You will find yourself picturing yourself coping in the best possible way. You will ask yourself, ‘How do I want to be feeling, coping, living?’ What would that feel like? Is there anything I can do, no matter how small, to help me feel like that now? How would my life be different if I wasn’t depressed? And could I handle that?’

This can throw up surprising answers. If there is something you can’t deal with in your life, the body will perceive that as a threat to the balance of health. It will express that threat in some way, ie depression, illness etc. It’s like the dashboard warning light in a car. It’s drawing your attention to something in your life that needs to be dealt with. Change the way you think about the situation, and you can reverse the symptom. Sometimes we do too much damage and may not be able to repair it, but we can certainly still make conditions better than they were.

In part 2, I will share techniques for creating positive mind movies.

Paula O’Sullivan is a Hypnotherapist /Reiki Healer her website is http://www.I-want-a-better-life.ie


Disassociation by Design

July 20, 2012

Image

Life throws so many things at us doesn’t it? People and situations, some unpleasant, some emotionally painful. Sometimes things just don’t go our way or the way we would like. And we end up mulling it all over, and over in our minds, tormenting ourselves about how it could have been different. Of course that just makes it worse in our minds. As the more we play back a picture that upsets us, the more we evoke stronger feelings and emotions in relation to this, which keeps us stuck in the past, and helps to make us more fearful of the future. Now most of us wouldn’t keep watching a DVD for instance, if it really upset us, so why do we continue to replay mental pictures that upset us and make us feel sad, uncomfortable, fearful or unhappy? Crazy aren’t we?

I’ve learnt some techniques which I’ve used successfully with my clients and in my own personal life too. I cannot take the credit for them, I’m just sharing something that works for me, if you know of any other ones, please share and I’ll update this article with them.

Firstly and very importantly, I suggest that you try to accept what has happened. A lot of the time, most of our pain and suffering, or even in some cases depression, arise out of our lack of acceptance of what the reality is. So when you get into the place in your mind where you accept that you can’t change what happened, but that you can change how you feel about it, then you can move on to disassociate effectively in my opinion.

What we’re aiming to do here, is to free your mind from unpleasant thoughts and feelings around a person or situation, so that you free yourself to move on to be able to embrace new experiences in the future.

This first one is about dissociating a bad feeling. If someone annoys you or leaves you with a bad feeling that you can’t shake.

Return to Sender

  • Imagine where that feeling is lodged, i.e. chest, tummy?
  • Imagine a colour for it
  • Imagine a shape / texture
  • Then imagine plonking it onto the table, packaging it up, and then firing it over the horizon back to the person who gave it to you!
  • At best it will give you something to smile about

Now as a loving spiritual type of person, I don’t tend to send bad energy or bad feelings back at anyone, so the original one I came across is mentioned here, but I changed this slightly and I send the package to the far ends of the universe for recycling. I believe that feelings are only good or bad if we attach that label to them. So for me, I’m sending stagnant energy out and away from me, and I’m not harming anyone by directing it at them. Do whatever works for you, play around with this idea, and make it your own, so that you can feel better.

Photo disassociation

  • Imagine a person or situation that has bothered you
  • If you are in the picture with the person or situation in your mind, notice how you feel, how bright is the picture? Full colour?
  • Now imagine you are looking in on the person or situation as if you were a bystander, you can now see you and the person from a third perspective. Notice how you feel now, as an observer, you’ll be slightly more detached and less emotionally involved.
  • Now imagine that you take a photo. There is a frame around the picture of you and the person and situation, and the photo is in bright colour, large and up close.
  • Now start pushing that photo further away from you, so that it gets smaller and smaller and the colour starts to fade out of it, until it becomes just a white rectangle in the distance and then dissapears.
  • Do this, as often as necessary until you feel better about the person or situation. Ideally the intensity of your feelings about the issue will lessen as the photo gets smaller.

Movie Theatre

  • Imagine that you go into an empty cinema and sit down. You feel safe. On the screen is a situation that has been bothering you. It’s on pause ready to play.
  • When you are ready, play through the situation as you recall it, then pause at the point that you would like a different outcome of how you reacted or felt about it.
  • Now rewind it back to the beginning really fast.
  • Think about how you would like it to be different, ie, maybe you have a new or different perspective at the end of it; maybe you can see it from a different point of view, from theirs or from a third party view point.
  • Now play it again, and in your mind allow the picture of that new approach to go up on the screen. See yourself calmly reacting in a different way this time. Feel the feelings, you want to feel etc.
  • Pause. How does that feel? Better? Or not there yet?
  • Rewind back to the beginning and pause. Think, what could be better?
  • When you are ready, press play, let the movie reflect what you want the situation to be like, get into the feelings that you do want to feel, not the ones you don’t want to feel.  So how would you like to feel? Play that out. See yourself playing that out. Work with it until you feel happy. And then play it again. Pause, rewind, and play as many times as it takes until you feel you have it as you want it.

Then whenever you think of this situation again, play the updated movie in your mind. It won’t change what has happened, but you will feel better about it. And you will have a blueprint in your mind for the next time something like that happens to you. This can be used for many things. You can use it to pre plan how you want to be in future situations. The more you play your mind movie over and over, bringing up new thoughts, new feelings and new emotions, you will successfully re programme yourself. I did this long before I trained as a Hypnotherapist, I played a mind movie over and over, getting it right, seeing and  feeling how it would be when I qualified. By the time I got to train, most people believed I was already a professional. I’m doing it again now, as I’m training to be a Life Coach. I’ve used this technique to deal with emotional situations also, so I know first hand that these techniques work if we work at making them work.

If you need any help with this, feel free to contact me. I’ll share what I can.


Painful Awakening

July 6, 2012

Image

Something’s not right is it? You’ve known it for quite a while now haven’t you? But you can’t quite put your finger on it, can you?

Life is a daily drudge, sleeping and waking, trying to fill the big void. There is something missing, but you don’t know what it is, and what you try to fill the void with, isn’t working, is it? The pain is still there. Something is wrong.

The drugs no longer give you the high you needed, the pain and unease are still there, even after a night of heavy drinking, oh you escaped it for a while, but now its back isn’t it? The addictions don’t fulfil the need you have anymore, but you don’t really know what that need is anyway. The casual sex isn’t doing it for you either… and the porn… well, you’ve gone so past your initial comfort zone… desensitised yourself so much, that you hardly recognize who you are anymore. The depression is getting worse not better. You’re in pain, you’re ill, the medication doesn’t work and all they do is keep handing you more and more pills, and tell you to go away, and you wonder where will it all end?

Yet each and every day is the same, one dull moment after another, interspersed with thoughts of the next high, the next drug, the next drink, the next encounter, the next pill… life has no meaning has it ? Sure don’t you need this stuff? What else is there?

But the pain keeps chasing you, and you run, and you run to escape it, but you can’t, it’s like your shadow, clinging closer and closer, becoming more and more restricting the more you try to run from it…. until you crash and burn or….

Until the day you turn and face this thing, it will never leave you.

This is the day of painful awakening, when you wake up, and say I want something different, I don’t know what, I don’t know how, but something has to change here. I can’t go on like this.

And you’re standing there in the void of your own making, and you’re lost and alone and scared out of your wits, because the familiar is still calling you, and your pain is great, but you know, you just know that the fear of the unknown and the fear of what it entails, will have to battle with that old way of being in your world, before you can move on.

And most of us don’t know how to move on, people don’t understand what we’re going through, they don’t know our secrets, how many would stay with us if they did? Very few I gather. So you’re alone, and afraid and suddenly vulnerable in the shadow of your pain, no one can help you now, but yourself.

Are you strong enough? Ask for strength… yes you’re strong enough, it’s inside you all along… you’ve come this far… yes you’re strong…. ask for it… see yourself coping… see yourself  being strong… ask for it…. feel that strength… that determination seeping into every cell… every fibre of your being… feel it…

Identify your needs… what do you really want? Everything we do has a form of payback, whether it is something we are aware of consciously or unconsciously, otherwise we wouldn’t do it… think about it….

What are the drugs / drink giving you? A high, an escape from a mundane world? Try science, try nature, have you walked in the rain yet and enjoyed it, allowed the rain to fall on your face, on your skin, looked into a raindrop and saw the world in it? Got high on the scents of damp earth and wet foliage, or the scent of newly cut grass, have you ever sat under the moon and stars and wondered at the awesomeness of it all? Have you every really looked at a flower, an insect, a sunset and felt something indescribably beautiful welling up inside of you? Have you ever noticed the wind caressing your skin? There is a bigger high, a bigger escape that can be found, if we take the time to look for it, and sometimes it just finds us, we just have to be aware and open to it.

What is your pain, illness, disease or depression giving you? An excuse? An opt out clause from living? Attention of some sort? A veil to hide behind? Have you ever thought about it? What are you resisting? What are you not accepting in your life? What have you not dealt with emotionally? Who have you not forgiven? Who are you still angry at? Acceptance is the beginning of the end of pain. What we resist, persists until we accept and let it go. What are you still taking personal? What are you still hanging on to, that is causing your depression, your illness, your dis ease, your pain? I know people who have been told they would die young, but they are still alive, I know of people who were told they’d lost the use of limbs forever, yet they can use them now. I know of people who were told they’d never walk again, yet they do. And I also know of people who believed the doctors and they died, or they are still ill, not only with one illness, but a fine collection of maladies, which keeps them happy in a painful way. Please forgive me, some of you are getting angry, protesting, a normal response, some illness etc cannot be healed, oh I know that, but think about this more deeply when your anger subsides. What is it giving you? What is the payback? What would have to be different in your life if you hadn’t got that issue? What would your life require of you? Our body will tell us what part of us needs attention, our subconscious mind will express any perceived threat to the inner balance of our body in some way, shape or form. What is it stopping you from doing? Does that question make you comfortable or uncomfortable? Become aware.

What is sex or porn giving you? I’m not talking about loving sex here by the way. I’m talking about multiple partners. Is it just for company? You can’t bear to be on your own? Don’t you like yourself, your own company, your own thoughts? Perhaps you have a need to release tension, frustration, anger? Perhaps you can’t allow yourself to get close to someone, to connect with them deeply, it’s easier to see people as an object, then you can disconnect quicker, walk away, next please. You might have to lose something of yourself if you connect mightn’t you? Sex and desires are of the Ego part of our minds, they always want to get something, they always fear that we can lose something, so the giving a part of ourselves doesn’t come into it. It’s all about getting. Fear is great in all of this. Ego wants the next great excitement, it’s always looking for more, and nothing ever satisfies this part of us. Nothing will ever be enough.  You’ve tried sexuality, have you tried sensuality? Tantra? It awakens a deeper part of us, a more satisfying part. Have you really looked into the eyes of your lover, seen their soul and let them see yours?… Oh it’s scary… it’s uncomfortable at first… you feel more vulnerable than if you were naked with a stranger… it’s disquieting… oh but how you can connect… oh but how you can know that person without the words. Have you ever just held hands? Noticed the warmth of their skin, have you ever really looked closely at the person you’re with? The magazines and the videos and the images will never even come close to the feeling of euphoria, inner joy and contentment this can bring.

Another form of escapism from pain is the TV; we don’t have to think when we watch it. We can opt out of life so easily. We sit for hours in trance watching stupid programmes, all these things keep us stuck… they all have some form of payback and most of us are happily or unhappily unaware that there is another way. When you see that you have a choice and you can consciously do something towards making a different choice, that’s when things will change, that’s when you’ll get different results, that’s when you’ll see that life does not actually have any meaning…. Until we give it some ourselves! Welcome to your painful awakening if you choose it! The choice is yours! Choose consciously!


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