Climbing Out of the Abyss- Part 20

March 17, 2016

It’s a Generational Thing

By Paula O’Sullivan

Seven Generations

‘Hurt people, hurt people. That’s how pain patterns get passed on, generation after generation after generation. Break the chain today. Meet anger with sympathy, contempt with compassion and cruelty with kindness. Greet grimaces with smiles. Forgive and forget about finding fault. Love is the weapon of the future.’- Yehuda Berg (Quote)

Stories in Ancient Lore suggest our thoughts, words and deeds all have the power to affect seven generations.

As mentioned in a previous article, by the age of six, we have witnessed our parents, guardians, siblings etc. response to the world with all the dramas and challenges of living, and we have learned our responses from them. Unless we challenge it, this is the way we too will carry on responding and reacting for the rest of our lives. Sometimes we even end up marrying someone like a parent, so our stories continue!

Most of us, were not brought up to love ourselves. Our parents didn’t love themselves, they were too stressed out trying to survive, and their parents certainly didn’t, it was even harder for them. And what about their parents, and their parents, go back seven generations, was there ever any concept of love given? For some of us it was a ‘spare the rod and spoil the child’ kind of concept. For others it was a ‘let that child cry, you’ll only spoil it if you give it too much attention’. These are just brief examples, but what kind of pain do they teach? The teach us that violence is an acceptable way to make people do what you want them to do, and that anger and abuse are an acceptable way for us to express and inflict our own deep emotional pain on others. They teach us that we are unworthy of loving and being loved, so we end up with low self-esteem, forever after either feeling inferior or the opposite, superior to others. Low self-esteem always swings like this, you never feel equal to anyone.

I also hear so much about illnesses etc. running in families. No one ever questions it, they just blame it on the genes, but the genes are only reactors to stimuli from the environment, they switch on and off as required, according to research by Dr. Bruce Lipton in his book, ‘The Biology of Belief’. A lot of people though if they look, will find that similar thought patterns and behaviours also run in families, which holistically are linked to those so called hereditary illnesses.

I’ve spent the past few years leaning to love myself and others. I’ve broken the pattern of my generations by changing myself first. In doing so I’ve shown my children an example of a different way of being in the world. Was I afraid to change, to break out of the norm or of what I was brought up to believe was the correct way to be? Oh yes, it took enormous courage to become who I really am and to honour that integrity above all else. But in doing so, I have opened a doorway for my children to be more loving, and hopefully if they have children, they too will improve on that. In this way we raise our consciousness and create a better world for all.

Part 21 – Mastering the Self.

Paula is an Author / Hypnotherapist / Reiki Healer / Artist / Photographer, in Blessington Co. Wicklow. www.i-want-a-better-life.ie / paulaosullivan1@gmail.com / Phone 086 0848398 All her articles to date are on her blog www.paulaosullivan@wordpress.com

 


Climbing Out of the Abyss – Part 9

January 5, 2015

Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence

‘Nobody can hurt you without your permission’

– Mahatma Gandhi quote

 

I’m going to add to this quote and say, that nobody nor any situation can hurt you without your permission. It is only your thoughts about things that can do that. Change the way you think about it and you’ll change the way you feel. This is something I learned as I developed emotional intelligence.

So what is Emotional Intelligence and how can it help us? It is the ability to recognize, understand and manage our emotions in a positive way, which can affect our behaviour and our interactions with ourselves and others. We can learn how to bring our emotions into a state of balance, so that we’re not being tossed back and forth in a sea of uncertainty.

Developing our emotional intelligence can help us to communicate more effectively, become more emphatic, find positive ways to cope, overcome challenges, relieve stress, create healthier relationships, and minimize conflicts, which can lead to a more fulfilling life.

Becoming aware of our emotions, in each moment, can help us to remain calm and focused in unsettling situations and can help us to see how they influence our thoughts and actions.

Most of us are on auto pilot, reacting to present situations, based on experiences we had in the past (see Mindfulness Part 6) if we centre ourselves with our breath, (see Managing Stress & Anxiety Part 8) we can come into the present moment and ask ourselves if this is the appropriate reaction right now, or are we just replaying a script we have been using all our lives.

Say for example you send a text message, and the person doesn’t reply. You might think they are ignoring you. By the end of the day if they don’t get in touch, you might not be in the best of moods. This could end up in a conflict. You’ve allowed an unanswered text to affect your mood and possibly hurt you.

From an emotional intelligence perspective, you notice that the text hasn’t been answered and you consider what might be the reason, a) maybe they are too busy right now, and don’t have enough time to text properly, b) maybe they don’t have credit, c) maybe they are upset with you, but just need some space to think etc…You breathe slowly and ask yourself why you feel ignored, you consider all the options and wait until you hear from them before jumping to conclusions. You distract yourself with something else.

  • Calm down, take time out regularly to breathe slowly and practice observing how you feel in each situation, so that you can respond in a conscious manner based on this moment rather than your experience from the past.
  • Learn to trust your emotions and how you feel, be true to yourself, and you’ll suffer less.
  • Notice your behaviour at different times, and take full responsibility for how you choose to feel and respond, no one can make you angry, that’s a choice you make.
  • Be proactive instead of reactive. Try and see a few different possible perspectives to any situation.
  • Ask questions: What is important now? What am I learning from this? Do I need to set healthier boundaries? Are my needs being met? What are the consequences if I say or do this?

Part 10 Entrainment

Paula is an Author/ Hypnotherapist / Reiki Healer / Artist in Blessington Co. Wicklow. www.i-want-a-better-life.ie / paulaosullivan1@gmail.com / Phone 086 0848398 All her articles to date are on her blog www.paulaosullivan@wordpress.com


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