Climbing Out of the Abyss – Part 21

April 16, 2017

Self Mastery image

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Mastering the Self

By Paula O’Sullivan

‘Self-Mastery and the consistent care of one’s mind, body and soul, are essential to finding one’s higher self, and living the life of one’s dreams’ – Robin Sharma Quote

As within, so without, to thine own self be true. Self- Mastery means learning self-control. It means learning how to control our thoughts and our emotions. (See Emotional Intelligence Part 9) It means being the same in all situations and having a core of stability within. We are only as strong as our greatest weakness, don’t worry, life will test you on this!

Most of us are like chameleons, we are constantly changing in response to what is happening to us, without consistency. When we’re in the process of achieving self-mastery we begin to realize that ‘Between stimulus and response, man has the freedom to choose his reaction’- (Victor Frankl)

Self-mastery gives us a choice, it helps us to be more in control of ourselves.  And no it doesn’t give us a licence to control others. Ask yourself this: If I’m not in control of my thoughts and emotions, then who is? You don’t have to be a victim, you can choose to be a survivor instead.

Most of us have been conditioned to focus on altering the externals in our lives. We wait for everyone else and everything to change first. This makes for a very frustrating life journey!

When we change, we will find that things change around us. We’ll either accept it, change something, or we’ll detach either physically or mentally from it. Check out Eckhart Tolle’s work on this. ‘Nothing happens until something moves’ (Einstein)

You’re probably asking the question ‘Well why do I have to be the first to make a move or change?’ I’ll answer you with this question. ‘Well how’s that going for you so far?’ If you’re happy with your results, carry on as you are.

Well for me anyway it didn’t bring me to anywhere worth going. It was with beginning the process of learning self-mastery that my life began to change in many happier ways. I’m not saying I’m there yet. Life has many lessons and challenges for me that always keep me on my toes. I’m a work in progress, I’m further on than I was, and I’m getting there, as they say.

Ok so how do you begin this process?

Awareness

Start observing yourself in various situations. Are you doing or saying what you want to do and say, or is there some kind of an agenda to be met? Are you looking for approval? Is it meeting an unmet need? Are you doing and saying things to just fit in with the general crowd, or are you being true to yourself? Watch your reactions. Watch any self-talk. Read my article on Self- Talk Part 5. Also see Part 1. Coping With Depression, where I highlight the two main ways of thinking and how they affect us. As we master ourselves, we begin to notice all these things, and with the observation comes the choice in how we really want to be. See my article on Mindfulness Part 6.

Identify your needs versus your wants

This is really important. Most of us are on auto pilot (not fully aware) we all have basic needs, including security, sex, love and belonging, financial, freedom, fun etc. True needs take into account the higher greater good and serve our soul. Our wants can override this and serve our ego or lower selves, they can lead us into selfishness and a desire to satisfy our own personal interests without concern for how it affects others. There’s an element of developing integrity with self-mastery.

Delay Gratification

Start practicing to strengthen your will by testing yourself in small ways. Delay gratification in some area of your life regularly. Watch your wants, watch the impulses, they can be so strong. For example: I want that biscuit, the drug, the high, the sexual release, the escape etc. but I’m consciously deciding that I’m not going to have that right now. I may wait until later, or I may defer it until tomorrow, or some other time, but now in this moment, when I’m aware, I can choose to delay, if I want to. Observe your thoughts and feelings when you do this. Or another example:  I want to say this to this person, but I’m going stay quiet instead. I’m choosing to be fully present with this person, without being compelled to make the snide remark, or say the things that could destroy the relationship, the trust etc. And yes sometimes we do have to speak up, but play with this to strengthen you will. You may decide to speak up in another moment instead. Practice also doing things you’d rather not do right now, like take out the bins, do the dishes, laundry, paperwork etc. I use a mental symbol of a foot kicking me in the ass, and saying Just Do It! I always have my sense of humour with me, it comes in handy! Notice how much energy we take up in resisting doing things. Your ego will protest, and cause a fuss, but observe it. Practice with little things, and you’ll see where you can be free of external control.

Keep your promises

Do what you say you will do. How many times have you said you’d do something and didn’t? How did you feel? Say what you mean and mean what you say. You will learn to trust yourself, and others will learn to trust you also. Practice keeping your promises to yourself and others. It starts with the little things.

Practice being consistent

I mentioned earlier that we are like chameleons, we are not the same people all the time. If someone is mean to us, we are mean to them, or if we’re afraid, we’ll be mean behind their backs instead. If life throws us a curve ball, we disintegrate, however momentarily. We’re like boats without oars, constantly being driven this way and that by relentless waves. Our self-esteem plays a huge part in this too, and the more you develop a balanced self-esteem, the more you can be consistent with anything that happens. It gives you a strong core of stability that helps you to trust yourself, and be trusted. You will be the same you in all situations. Check out my article on Self-esteem Part 7.

Part 22 – Meeting Your Unmet Needs

Paula is an Author / Hypnotherapist / Reiki Healer / Artist / Photographer, in Blessington Co. Wicklow.  paulaosullivan1@gmail.com / Phone 086 0848398 All her articles to date are on her blog www.paulaosullivan@wordpress.com

 

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Climbing Out of the Abyss – Part 13

April 28, 2015

core beliefs

Core Beliefs

How is your life? Do you find that you begin with the best of intentions to change something, but find yourself at the last minute giving up or sabotaging it? Do you often tell yourself things like ‘I’m worthless, I’m unlovable, I’m not good enough, I’m boring, I’m abnormal, I’m ugly, I’m stupid, I’m undeserving, I’m a bad person etc. etc. ?

If you’re not experiencing life as you’d really like to experience it, you may have acquired some unhelpful core beliefs.

Core beliefs are the deeply held beliefs that influence how we interpret our experiences. They are the lens through which we view life. They will also determine how we behave. An example: A person with a core belief of ‘I’m not good enough’ versus a person with a belief of ‘I am good enough’. You meet a new person and think of asking them to go out for a cuppa. If you are viewing life through the ‘I’m not good enough’ lens, you will probably think ‘ Sure why would they even consider going out with  someone like me, they’d probably prefer someone better looking, more educated etc…’ the resulting behaviour is that you won’t ask the person out, and you’ll continue to feel not good enough. A person looking through the lens of ‘I am good enough’ will have thoughts like ‘Sure it might be fun, what have I got to lose, and if they say no that’s ok, it’s better to be in the company of people who really want to be with me anyway…’ the resulting behaviour is that they will ask the person for a cuppa, and feel good regardless of the outcome.

If you want to change some core beliefs here are a few suggestions.

Keep a thought diary.

A belief is just a thought we keep thinking repeatedly. We form a subconscious agreement in our minds, and this in turn affects our thoughts, our behaviours, and in turn becomes a habit, which affects the decisions and actions we take or don’t take.

Look for the emotion involved, and look for the underlying fear beneath it.

What are you afraid of? This can include the fear of been held accountable if you change, and the thought of being less accountable if you don’t change.

Notice and become aware of where you may be trying to control or influence another person’s behaviour also, as we can only really have control and influence over ourselves.

Become aware of your thoughts that are upsetting you and choose the most dominant one.

On a piece of paper, ask yourself, ‘If this thought were true, what would it mean?

Draw an arrow down to your answer,

Ask ‘Well what’s bad about that’?

Draw an arrow down to your answer,

Ask ‘Well what does that say about me’?

Draw an arrow down to your answer,

Ask ‘Is this true all of the time’?

Draw an arrow down to your answer,

Ask ‘What experiences do I have that show that this belief is not completely true all the time?

Draw an arrow down to your answer,

Ask ‘What would be an appropriate, balanced and helpful core belief?

Look for evidence that things may be different from your upsetting core belief.

If you practice challenging your thoughts regularly, you will change your beliefs.

Part 14 – Overcoming Fear

Paula is an Author/ Hypnotherapist / Reiki Healer / Artist in Blessington Co. Wicklow. www.i-want-a-better-life.ie / paulaosullivan1@gmail.com / Phone 086 0848398 All her articles to date are on her blog www.paulaosullivan@wordpress.com


Climbing Out of the Abyss – Part 12

April 4, 2015

Being Proactive

Proactive

‘Do what you can, with what you have, where you are’ – Theodore Roosevelt (Quote)

There were times in my life when I couldn’t get started to change anything, I was suffering from ‘Perfectionism’. I was waiting for everything to be perfect before I could begin. I could see what needed to change, but I couldn’t imagine the steps to get there, I didn’t feel it was the right time, didn’t have enough money, education etc. It all seemed so overwhelming and impossible, so I would just keep doing what I was doing, over and over again, hoping that something would change. But of course nothing ever did, because how can we expect to get a different result from doing the same old things? We can’t!

To change anything, we must first become aware of where we are, and where we’d like to be and accept the reality (See parts 1 & 6) Then we need to make a plan. A plan is like an oar in a boat, it will help direct you where you want to go. Most of us are like boats without oars, allowing life’s circumstances to direct us all over the place. ‘Between stimulus and response, man has the freedom to choose’ Victor Frankl quote. And we can choose where we want to go in life and how we want to respond to what is happening.

We can act or be acted upon. An example of this was, I found myself in financial difficulty, unable to pay the full mortgage. I could have put my head in the sand and ignored the problem. I would then have been acted upon. Every action or inaction on our behalf has a consequence. I chose to be proactive and approached the bank, yes several times, but I just wouldn’t give up. While I was waiting for them to engage with me, I decided to pay the small amount that I could afford, weekly into my account regardless. I did this religiously for two years, and finally they did come back to me and we now have an arrangement for five years.

We sit around waiting for the magic wand to appear and solve all our problems, which rarely happens. We are a part of the problem and a part of the solution. When I wasn’t earning enough, I started making and selling my jewellery, artwork, writing, photography and I’ve just set up the Blessington Home Enterprise Group Monthly Craft Market.

We need to become aware of the things we can have some control over and focus more on that area, than those that we can’t.

So, what can you do, right now, where you are, with what you have? If you’re in debt, approach the lenders, agree a small amount with each. If you’re in relationship difficulties, talk to the person involved and discuss each other’s needs. If you’re looking for a job consider re training, look at www.skillnets.ie/unemployed, or  www.alison.com, there are hundreds of free courses, I’m doing one myself to upgrade my skills.

Make a plan, set a goal, decide where you want to go, or you’ll just drift any old place. All things are created twice, first in the mind, and then in your reality. Make sure you’re getting the results that you really want to get!

Part 13 – Core Beliefs

Paula is an Author/ Hypnotherapist / Reiki Healer / Artist in Blessington Co. Wicklow. www.i-want-a-better-life.ie / paulaosullivan1@gmail.com / Phone 086 0848398 All her articles to date are on her blog www.paulaosullivan@wordpress.com


Good Vibrations Anyone?

March 31, 2013

Image

I recently began studying Metaphysics, which is absolutely fascinating and mind blowing, its such a buzz, much better than watching the TV. Since I switched off the television almost four years ago, I really learned how to think for myself. Before that I was just repeating what I was being told, by people who were just repeating what they had been told. Now I write about what I have learned through my experiences, I’m no longer an echo. I’m sharing here some of what I’ve learnt, and yes the more I learn and experience, the more I realize that there is still a lot to learn and experience. Where is the truth ? Somewhere in all of this, but you need to research and try it out for yourself, to know if it feels true for you. The answers to the Universe will not be found on the Nine O’ Clock news  that’;s for sure !

I’m researching energy fields and consciousness at the moment, and I’ve come across suggestions that we may be affecting the weather with our dominant thoughts (and yes I know all about chemtrails and what our governments are doing physically to affect the weather too) but not only that, we are affecting the Earth and possibly helping to create natural disasters too. Some people blame God, but hey what if God is within all of us already, then are we not just blaming ourselves? Maybe it’s time to start taking some responsibility for the kind of dominant thoughts and emotions we are emitting. On a smaller scale, we are also affecting each other. 

There is this general prevailing feeling of consciousness, of fear and doom and gloom and disaster. A general feeling of hopelessness. When you become aware of your energy, you will feel this, and you will have to raise your vibration higher, so that you don’t entrain to this lower frequency. Entrainment happens in nature. Women in close contact with each other like nuns or very close friends, find that their menstrual cycles entrain and happen at the same time, that’s just one example, another is if you have two or more pendulum clocks and move the pendulums in different directions, in a matter of moments they will entrain and move in the same direction. If a healer has a higher vibration then the client in their lower vibration state will find their energy field vibration will entrain to the higher frequency that the healer emits, therefore encouraging the bodies natural healing abilities to kick in. However if the healer were to stay in an environment of a lower vibrational frequency too often and not maintain their high vibration, then they would end up entraining with the lower frequencies of those they remain in contact with. Have you ever just felt good and then met with someone, and after you parted were left feeling awful and drained? Well your energy field entrained with that persons lower energy. And that is how it affected you. How much more so could a group consciousness of lower vibrations affect you if you are continuing to allow it to?

If you can recognize the part you’re playing, if you can raise your vibration, you will become more healthy, and happier. Your higher vibration will help people. Some people meet me, and feel better afterwards, they say they just feel calmer, its because their energy entrained with mine. I keep my frequency as high as possible. if you seek out people with higher frequency vibrations to hang out with, you will feel better. How do you know who they are ? They are generally positive people, they don’t tend to be negative, ie they don’t engage in moaning, gossiping or complaining, they are not generally angry or vengeful, or doubters as that lowers your frequency, and they are healthy. Healthy people have a higher frequency, ill health can only exist in lower frequency. If you are ill and think you are positive, there is still something inside of your thoughts or emotions that are keeping you in a lower frequency. In those thoughts or emotions lie the answers. It is our thoughts which direct our actions, and your actions may be contributing to your ill health. I know this from my own experience of illness and pain in the past.

I was holding in anger and resentment for about most of my life regarding one thing or another. I didn’t express it. I thought I was a positive person, but I became ill, I had a lot of pain, life didn’t seem fair, I was a victim, yet again. When I discovered about our thoughts and emotions and about finding a harmonious balance, and I began to address those issues in my life, I recovered completely. My thoughts and emotions created the illness, and my new thoughts uncreated it. Because along with those new thoughts, came a new awareness of my actions which were contributing to my ill health. So I keep my thoughts higher now, no more pettiness, no more unnecessary anger (Its about finding a balance) I only allow thoughts of gratitude and harmony, of love and acceptance, of oneness to be my dominant thoughts. And no you can’t stop those other kind of thoughts from coming into your awareness, they come from the energy fields around you, but you can choose which ones you want to entertain. 

An example of this, was a friend of mine who doesn’t consider himself to be Racist, and wouldn’t normally have thoughts like that. He was in a supermarket queue behind a woman of a different race than him. Suddenly his mind was bombarded with thoughts of a racist nature, which he couldn’t understand, until I explained to him all about our energy fields. That lady was carrying all that in her field, and he picked up on it. Think of yourself as a radio emitting signals, he had tuned into her channel for a moment. I’ve often experienced this as I pass people, its not that you can read their thoughts exactly, it may just suddenly be a feeling of despair that you get as they pass, or like my friend you may be in a queue and feel their fear or anxieties, or like him, all these mad thoughts can bombard you for a moment. And yes this can happen when you are not around people, because the energy fields are not contained by walls and doors, and no I’m not referring to hearing voices in your head as in a mental illness, this is different, but hey, who is to really know if that is not what is happening to some of those people too. I always raise my vibration to help them to feel calmer and to ensure that I keep my vibration higher so that my energy isn’t brought lower, and you can do this too, once you become aware of what signal you are emitting and how you are affecting all around you, your world, and yes possibly the weather too 🙂 If you need any help with this, just ask .



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