Climbing Out of the Abyss – Part 24 The Relationship Bank

October 15, 2017

By Paula O’Sullivan

Relationship Bank

Photo courtesy of pexels.com

I wish I’d been aware of the concept of a relationship bank account in my early years of relationships, it would have saved everyone concerned so much pain.

It was after reading Steven Covey’s book, ‘The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People’ that I raised my awareness. I had been accused on many occasions over the years of ‘keeping score’, but in all honesty, I could see that things weren’t balanced. I was giving way more in my relationships and feeling more than a tad resentful. But there isn’t any blame in my mind now, I see that I didn’t have the confidence or the sense of worthiness to actually ask for what I wanted. I was caught up in my childhood conditioning of how I thought things were meant to be, based on the ways I saw relationships playing out around me. See my article ‘It’s a Generational Thing – Part 20’.

Healthy relationships aim to meet each other’s needs. If you consider the concept of ‘Evolve or Die’, all things must continue to grow, or they die. Ideas evolve or grow into plans and actions, or else they die as unfulfilled wishes. In the same way, relationships and friendships evolve with the building of trust, honesty, communication, clear expectations, integrity, little kindnesses, courtesies, and sincerity. A healthy relationship is about giving and receiving. If we don’t have these little things, we can develop anger, resentment, bitterness, mistrust and conflict. We must put more deposits into the relationship bank to enable it to flourish, and aim to make fewer withdrawals. If you’re wondering why you would bother, then ask yourself why you are staying in that relationship to begin with. Check out my article called ‘Meeting Your Unmet Needs – Part 22’.

So how do we make a deposit? How do we make our relationships better and happier? How do we evolve?

Understanding

It’s really essential that we try to understand the other person’s point of view. Most of us are trying to get our view understood first. We are all reacting based on our own experiences, which may be different from another person’s. If we ask questions to find out how the other person feels, we will maybe understand their perspective and perhaps see how our actions may or may not have contributed. Most of us have a basic need to be listened to, to feel that what we are expressing is valid. You’ll make a serious withdrawal if you invalidate what someone says they are feeling, because it’s real for them. Sometimes we have subconscious scripts playing in our minds based on how unworthy we feel etc. and this can colour our perceptions, but if you want your relationship to blossom, it’s worth taking the time to listen to each other and try to understand where they might be coming from.

Expectations

Most of our thoughts and feelings of hurt and frustration happen when someone’s behaviour doesn’t meet our expectations. The most difficult thing for most of us, is to actually ask the other person what they expect from us, and to tell them what we expect from them. We prefer to mind read instead – it’s much less confrontational – there’s much less chance of being rejected! But this can drive you batshit crazy, because you start making up a lot of stories in your head, which may not be the full truth of the situation at all! When expectations aren’t met, people fall out, become distant, argue a lot and sometimes have affairs and or leave.

Here’s a rather open-minded question based on a perspective I reached from my own personal experiences with this. If you’re not meeting someone’s needs and they have an affair, who’s cheating who? Just something to ponder on.

Keeping your promises

Do what you say you will do. Say what you mean, and mean what you say, if you want to keep a healthy relationship balance. This will build trust, and trust is hugely important. It’s also very imperative that you keep your promises to yourself also, otherwise, you’ll probably spend the rest of your life mentally beating yourself up, and metaphysically you’ll start attracting those people who will emotionally abuse you. I know, because this is what happened to me until I changed things.

Appreciation

Mutual appreciation, admiration and gratitude are real relationship builders. It’s the little daily genuine compliments, concern, kindnesses, courtesies, the wanting the very best for the other, that creates a healthy relationship balance.

 Honesty

Admit and apologize sincerely when you fuck up. We all do it at some stage, we’re busy, we’re careless, we have our pride, we don’t ask for what we want. If you break the trust you have between you, it’s like smashing a plate and glueing it back together. The cracks will still be there, you’ve weakened your relationship, and you’ve made a withdrawal. If you were depositing regularly your relationship might survive this, if you weren’t, it may not.

Part 25 – Victim or Victor – Dropping the Stories.

Paula is an Author / Hypnotherapist / Reiki Healer / Life Coach / Artist / Photographer, in Blessington Co. Wicklow. www.i-want-a-better-life.ie / paulaosullivan1@gmail.com / Phone 086 0848398 All her articles to date are on her blog www.paulaosullivan@wordpress.com

 

 

 

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Climbing Out of the Abyss – Part 23

July 11, 2017

Divided Mind – Taming the Ego

By Paula O’Sullivan

 

Taming Ego

Photo courtesy of pexels.com

 

‘We must go beyond the constant clamor of ego, beyond the tools of logic and reason, to the still, calm place within us: the realm of the soul’ – Deepak Chopra

 In order to tame the ego, we must first know a little bit about it, and why anyone would even want to tame it. Notice I said tame, and not destroy it, as we need it in some ways to know ourselves as an individual. If you look in the dictionary, you may very well be still confused as to what it is. It is described as; a person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance, the part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the unconscious and is responsible for reality testing and a sense of personal identity, and, a conscious thinking subject. Interesting descriptions.

There are many ancient stories that refer to the beginning of the ego / divided mind, in mankind. Some relate to Atlantis, the Annunaki, and the creator gods. There are references in the bible too.  The Adam and Eve story refers to the creation of the Adamic and Eve race and the subsequent division of mind and the discovery of good and evil, or more appropriately, awareness and unawareness. Apparently the original souls that came to earth, were of a higher consciousness and were fully aware. The duality or division of mind that ego created, led us out of paradise, not poor Eve! We’re in paradise or heaven when we’re fully aware, we’re in hell when we’re not! I’ll explain more about this in a future article.

To make it easier to understand, let’s consider that Ego stands for Edging God / or Goodness Out. If we were like the original souls, before the fall, we would have a higher consciousness and awareness of ourselves and others. We would make more decisions and choices based on love and compassion. We would only see the connections between souls. We would recognize the similarities we all share in this earth school.

Well the good news is, that we are like the original souls, we all have an inherent goodness in us, a light, an awareness, a conscience, or Con – Science (science of the heart)

However for a long, long time we have been conditioned to exist from the perspective of the ego.

The ego is our lower, baser self, it’s all about the ‘Me’ part of us, and self – preservation. The higher part of ourselves, the ‘I’ is the soul, and is about the interconnectedness of all things.

How were we conditioned?

We’ve been encouraged to believe in borders, flags, nationalities, patriotism, and differences. Cautioned to ignore our intuition (tuition from within) and to be skeptic of it. The religious and political stories we’ve been told have separated us from ourselves and others. All arguments, all wars spring from ego, the need to be right at all costs.

We were told Eve was to blame, this started a patriarchal system that is still alive and kicking today.  Women are still being treated as second class citizens around the world. Yes the men did and still do terrible things, they have been conditioned that way. Women do awful things too. In unawareness, in ego mind, we are separated from our soul’s highest intentions.

We were told that the God we believe in is outside of us, and that we’re not worthy enough to even gather up the crumbs from under the table of that entity. If we were encouraged to believe that entity was within each of us, we might just feel it important to respect everyone. We’d all be sacred then wouldn’t we?

Far too many of us were brought up mostly in an unloving manner, with a social myth about ‘sparing the rod and spoiling the child’. We now know that this way of parenting creates people who are unable to love, to connect to themselves and others. It creates people who are dependent and prone to depression, suicide and addictions. It creates people who feel they are flawed, disconnected and unworthy.

Our school systems are primarily geared towards left brained learning. Most of it is academic, analytical, rational stuff. From an early age our minds are crammed with useless shite, of little or no use in our everyday lives after we leave. We are taught to listen and repeat, and not taught to think and reason for ourselves.

We are taught to ridicule the imagination. ‘It’s only your imagination’- (you’re just a feckin looney!)

Perhaps psychology was introduced to highlight and control those fucked up individuals among us who didn’t conform to left brain conditioning. If you’re a right brained creative or psychic etc. you’ll be seen as a weirdo, more separation. Don’t worry if this depresses you, they have a pill for that!

Look around you at your world if you don’t believe me for proof of ego mind in action. Poverty, hunger, greed, wars, bigotry, racism, sectarianism, pollution, slavery, crimes, mental health issues (gentle souls get depressed, in this unloving world of ego. You rarely hear of egotistical psychopaths getting depressed do you?) Pornography (this separates males and females from forming connected sacred sexual relationships) and on and on the list goes!

Is this the kind of world we want for ourselves and our children and grandchildren?

So how do we tame our ego, how do we begin to heal the divided mind?

  • Learn to love, accept and respect yourself, then you’ll begin to love accept and respect others, you will see the connection between us all.
  • Start to value your imagination. It’s the greatest gift we’ve all been given, use it wisely and only allow what you would like to happen into it. Know that what you wish for others, you wish for yourself.
  • Pay attention to your intuition and your conscience, that’s your soul prompting you to other alternative more aware choices.
  • If you are in two minds about some decision, ask how this will affect all concerned, if it hurts or harms another person or being, choose carefully.
  • Practice using your right brain. Stories, music, art, being creative, exploring imagination etc. We need both sides of our brain, we’re like an aeroplane flying on one wing otherwise.
  • Meditate, and listen to the promptings of your higher self. There is a wiser, less mean part of us. We can be cold hearted beasts or warm hearted angels, or somewhere in between.
  • Catch yourself trying to be right, trying to win at the cost of another, trying to destroy someone else, by gossiping etc. Catch yourself out.
  • Find the ‘I’ that is observing the ‘Me’ Find the wiser self, watch the ego play its little games.

Part 24 – The Relationship Bank

Paula is an Author / Hypnotherapist / Reiki Healer / Life Coach / Artist / Photographer, in Blessington Co. Wicklow. www.i-want-a-better-life.ie / paulaosullivan1@gmail.com / Phone 086 0848398 All her articles to date are on her blog www.paulaosullivan@wordpress.com

 

 


Climbing Out of the Abyss – Part 6

November 1, 2014

Mindfulness

Mindfulness

Previously we’ve discussed how thoughts, visualization, foods, disassociation and self-talk can help lead us out of depression. Now let’s explore mindfulness.

The word ‘Mindful’, means taking heed, or care, being conscious. And the word ‘Conscious’, means being aware and awake.

Most of us are not really aware or awake, we think we are, but we are really running on auto pilot, continuously being in a state of ‘Reaction’ or ‘Resistance’. Mindfulness means paying attention on purpose. Being here and now with our present experiences in a non-judgemental way. Nothing is perceived to be either good or bad. Situations can be thought about in many ways.

‘Reaction’

We are like a boat without oars, being pushed this and that way, as life throws stuff at us. Our reactions are based on thoughts about past experiences, or fearful thoughts of the future. We are rarely present in the now moment, yet that is the only time we have some control.

 ‘Resistance’

Something happens that we don’t like or want, and we set up resistance in our mind to it. When we resist something, our body and mind perceives this as a threat to the natural balance of things. We trigger the stress response and we stop our minds from finding solutions.

 

Tips for being mindful

 

  • When your thoughts go to the past or future, gently bring them into the present moment. Take a few slow deep breaths in and out. Notice your surroundings. Be kind and patient with yourself. Say ‘I’m ok now in this moment’
  • Develop a sense of gratitude. Say ‘I have more than enough’.
  • If you’re feeling angry, sad etc. do not judge the feeling, say ‘Oh here’s comes anger, what brought that on?’ In that mindful moment you have a chance to reflect or react in a different way than you did previously. You will no longer be reacting on auto pilot.
  • Do one thing at a time and be fully present with it. If you’re drinking or eating, taste, smell, notice texture etc. When washing the dishes, feel the suds, see the rainbow colours. In the rain, look at the droplets on a branch, there’s a tiny world reflected there. If walking, notice your feet connecting with the ground, feel the sun, or wind, warmth of your clothes, look at the sky. If with someone, listen carefully to what they say, really look at them, hear them. Be present.
  • If ill, in pain, depressed etc. Listen to your body, what’s it trying to tell you? If you’ve got a headache, ask yourself what was happening in your life prior to that? If you have pain, what is paining you in your life? What emotional conflicts have you not dealt with? What thoughts or emotions do you hold onto that might create pain for you. If you are getting frequent colds etc. your immune system has been weakened by stress, not nurturing yourself etc. Ignore it and other things may happen to draw your attention to where your body feels out of balance. If you’re depressed or feeling low, what are you resisting? What can you not accept? What can you not forgive?

With mindfulness, we can become aware and rest before our body makes us. We can create new meaning in our lives and improve the relationship with ourselves and others.

Part 7 Self- Esteem

Paula is an Author/ Hypnotherapist / Reiki Healer / Artist in Blessington Co. Wicklow. www.i-want-a-better-life.ie / paulaosullivan1@gmail.com / Phone 086 0848398 All her articles to date are on her blog www.paulaosullivan@wordpress.com


Is This the End of Your World?

December 20, 2012

New Beginning
Written by Paula O’Sullivan

My son said to me the other evening, ‘Mom is the world really going to end on the 21st December? I know you know something about this, won’t you please tell me. I feel you are like a prophet or something’. And I replied, ‘Well if you’re power hungry and egotistical, son, then your world will begin to end, in fact it already has begun!’ We both laughed.

No I’m not a prophet, some of us are just here on Earth to show a different perspective, way showers if you like, pattern interrupters, that’s what we are. You hear so much about the world ending, media hype and mockery, disaster movies etc., so much that some people haven’t a clue what is happening, and others are almost frightened to death at what might happen. So I just thought I’d share what I feel about all this from my different perspective.

Now I’m not going to explain about planetary alignments, energy shifts etc., there is plenty of information out there for anyone interested in this. Do I believe in it all, yes I do, I can feel it myself, as a spiritual person.

What I need to share with you is this basic information that will help you through these trying times. Let me ask you a few questions. Have you had a good year so far? Has your life been full of struggles, relationship conflicts etc. etc.? If yes read on, you need to know this.

From my perspective, 2012 has been all about releasing the old, unwanted and unnecessary in our lives. The 21st December 2012 represents a new beginning of consciousness. The New World. The New Heaven and New Earth, which I believe this text from the Bible also refers to. “Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea” (Revelation 21:1).[1] I believe that the sea represents what separates us. I don’t believe that it means the sea will actually disappear. Let me explain further for those of you who don’t understand yet.

The old world is what we have now. We generally don’t love ourselves, so we don’t really know how to love other either. We judge and criticise and condemn ourselves and others. We are separated from each other in our minds; we see each other’s differences, skin colour, wealth, poverty, education, possessions etc. We see that we are different to them. We are focused mostly in our ego minds. We see it as us and them. Even though we are all human, we all live and breathe, smile and cry, have feelings and emotions, we do not see the connection with each other. We have become selfish and self-absorbed.

Religions have compounded the separations between nations, as beliefs differ; we feel we are right, and that they are wrong, that we are saved because we believe something that another doesn’t , enough so that people die because of their different beliefs. Living in our Ego minds, we look for offences and differences so we can defend our tightly held beliefs. The Religions have programmed their believers to think of their God and Saviour as an external entity, a something outside of themselves, something that you are not worthy of to have within yourself. Thus, forever leaving you forever helpless and powerless. There are many religious symbols around the world of the unripe pine cone which represents the pineal gland, or third eye. It’s the seat of the soul for spiritual awakening. The fact that the pine cones are unripe says it all!

Some are waiting for the return of their Saviour. But what if I suggest to you that we are made in Gods / Spirits / Creators) image, that the Kingdom of God (or Good) is already within you? What if you knew that part of that Higher Power / Spirit / Creator, whatever you believe, was already inside you and everyone else too? How different would you view your world then? Would we be killing each other then? Would we be allowing people to starve to death? Would we allow the tortures, the abuses, the dishonesty? Would we harm another in our thoughts, words or deeds? Would we? No, I feel we wouldn’t, because we would see that we are all one. We would see that we are all connected, the same, under the same stars, moon and sun. We would begin to work together, not against each other.

We would then be beginning to live from our hearts. 2012 from my perspective is the era of Christ Consciousness. Your Saviour hasn’t to yet arrive; it was already here all along, inside of each of you, where you never thought to look. Just waiting for you to wake up and realize the Love, the Good, the God, the Spirit, the Higher Power that is already within each of us. We are here to save ourselves and each other together.

We all have Free Will. We all have a Choice. You can choose to stay in the Old World way of Mind based decisions, or you can now see that we have an opportunity to move to Heart based decisions and A new World, a new beginning.

So you’ve been having a rough year have you? Most of us have. It’s been a battle between head and heart really. Head (Ego mind) wanted everything to go their way. It was full of expectations of how things must be. When that didn’t happen, you felt powerless didn’t you? Reality is usually different from our expectations. Maybe you tied up your feelings of worth in your possessions, or relationships, and felt like a failure if they didn’t work out? Ego mind had fun this year! Maybe the conflicts began because you needed to be right every time? Being right, makes others wrong you know, it gets the defences up. Guaranteed to brew an argument! Perhaps you didn’t communicate honestly, more lies, more deceiving… drives the wedge between relationships. So are you tired of the same old, same old scenarios yet?

This is what 2012 and especially the 21st December is all about as far as I’m concerned. It’s a choice between living and continuing your life and your relationships through your Ego mind, or between living through your Heart. You already know how the old game goes, so I won’t go into that. Here is how the new game gets played if you’d like to join me we could find a New Heaven and a New Earth and discover that the sea that separates us, no longer exists, because we are all one and connected in Love.

*Let go of expectations of how things should be, and start accepting things as the really are. Then you can decide if you would like to make some positive changes.

*When making decisions, ask yourself, ‘Is this for the Highest Good of All?’

*Decide to be Kind, instead of being right.

*Become more accepting, observing, not judging. Develop qualities that make you feel good and will help others to feel good too.

* Learn to love and accept yourself. Be kind to yourself. We mush nourish ourselves from the well first before we can nourish others. This takes time, bit by bit.

*Build up a sense of self-worth, so that you no longer tie up your happiness in other people or things. So that if those things are gone you have developed a sense of self and you will not crumble or dissolve when they are gone. You will then find that happiness is also within you. I developed an attitude of Gratitude. Now everything is enough, I no longer have those cravings for more, more, more. I no longer see what is lacking. I am satisfied, I am content, I am at peace. The Ego mind is never satisfied, you must be aware of this. Living from your heart will bring you peace.

* Stop trying to control everyone and everything. We can only control our own behaviour.

*Communicate honestly with people, speak your truth, openly and honestly and move away from fear to love… your heart will guide you, use your head to reason out consequences of your actions and to sum it up really simply, I basically treat others as I would like to be treated, even if they don’t treat me that way, I show them how. We reap what we sow, so what seeds are you sowing? Look in your garden, what is growing there? Is it a barren plot? Or a weed strewn heap? Or a garden full of blossoms that bring you joy?
Old World, New World? Your choice, your thoughts, your words, your actions have already begun to create it. The old ways are moving away.

So is your world ending or just beginning?


Remind me Once Again

July 30, 2012

 

Image

 

It’s really nothing personal you know… it’s just that we had a sacred contract to remind each other who we are… that’s all… we still have free will… we can choose the path we’ll travel… into the light … or into the darkness… it’s our choice.. it’s nothing personal.

 

I can be anyone…your child, your parent, your lover, your sister, your brother… I am the man who’s black, white, yellow, red, whose different skin colour bothers you…the person of another creed who doesn’t believe the same things you do… I fill you with fear don’t I? Because, I am different from you, or separate, or so you think, or so you believe.

 

I am the woman you can’t stand the sight of, maybe I’m ugly or overweight in your perception, I don’t fit into your concept of perfection, so I become the object of your contempt. Maybe I’m poor, perhaps I have an addiction, or I’m covered in tattoos, I’m the hobo on the bus, the homeless person lying in a cardboard house in the rain, you know, the one you avert your eyes at as you pass.

 

Let’s not make eye contact whatever you do, for then I’ll remind you, who you are. And you may not like that reminder, it might make you feel uncomfortable, make you feel like you should be doing more.

 

Walk on my friend, even if we didn’t connect or make eye contact this time, the truth is, you saw me there at my worst, or when I was vulnerable, or lost, or in pain, but I still reminded you, of who you are. And who you are, goes home with you, like a shadow, that never leaves, whispering uncertainty and doubts in your ears.

 

Many life times ago, we agreed to meet. I told you I would come.

 

I came to show you how to have compassion, but you chose to walk blindly by. I came to show you tolerance but you chose to react with intolerance. I came to teach you love but you closed your heart to me. I came to teach you patience but you couldn’t find the time.

 

It’s okay, don’t beat yourself up with remorse or regrets, I’ll come again, in another guise, and another, and another, I’ll keep coming to remind you, of who you are. And one day maybe you’ll see that.

 

Maybe you’ll see who you are, and maybe you’ll like what you see, and maybe you won’t. But you’ll see, and when you do, you’ll realize that, who you are, is a choice. And you’ll see that you make that choice, and that it doesn’t really matter what has gone before, because you cannot change the past, you can only change how you think about the past. But what really matters now, is what you are going to become now. This moment… ask yourself… who am I? Do I like what I see?

 

Are you bringing out the best in others or the worst?

Are your intentions skilful or unskilful?

Do you track the future possible consequences of your words and actions?

Are you out to harm or to heal the people you meet?

 

I am here to teach you that there is another way. I am here to remind you again, of who you are, today.

 

 

 


Let the Healing Begin

July 28, 2012

 

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A few years ago, if you’d have asked me was I a healer, I would have laughed at you for even asking me something like that. I didn’t feel worthy or good enough for such a gift.

Yet life is funny and throws some amazing lessons at us to learn, and I discovered that not only was I a healer, but that we all have the ability to heal within us, if we just know how.

For me, it began a couple of years ago. I developed a stress related illness. It started with severe headaches, and fatigue that floored me. I became slightly forgetful, had bad aches and pains in my bones, found that my legs, arms, face etc would become numb with tingling sensations, my speech would slow down and sometimes I was scared that I’d have a stroke. I would go out for a walk fine, and come back limping. I had many tests which didn’t show anything conclusive. I had an idea in my mind that I may just end up in a wheelchair, and I resigned myself to the fact that this was it.

My life wasn’t terribly exciting anyway at the time. I wasn’t happily married, things weren’t right. We were struggling to make enough money to live on. I had no friends left, as I gave them up when I married. I had no interests except the TV, my kids and a bottle of wine at the weekends. I already felt dead inside, and life had no meaning at all for me. I rarely smiled, there was no joy in me, and to be honest there were days when I spent hours considering ending it all. I think the only thing that kept me here was my kids; I wanted something better for them. I was a very ungrateful, negative thinker at the time, and I spent a lot of time trapped in a cycle of worry and fear. I had a lot of unresolved conflicts inside of my head, I had guilt, un forgiveness, frustration and anger all unexpressed and bottled up inside of me. I felt that life wasn’t fair, I felt like a victim and I was blaming the world big time. It’s no wonder I became ill.

Luckily in the course of the tests I was undergoing, I met a person who was so kind and attentive, that it woke me up. That person was just doing their job, it was unconditional kindness they were giving as part of their service to the world and it made a difference.

I realized that I hadn’t ever experienced kindness before; I realized that no one had ever really listened to me before, and suddenly I wanted to be kind to someone, I suddenly wanted to be or do something that would make another person feel alive inside like I did. This is where healing begins, when we reach out of our own darkness and want to help another person out of theirs.

This is where my present journey began in earnest, suddenly I had a purpose. I wanted to be kind, I wanted to help others, I didn’t know what I wanted to do, or how I would do it, as I was an early school leaver with little or no education, but I had a mission and that was a start. I began to read books like Louise Hay’s ‘You Can Heal Your Life’ and explored my thoughts and emotions. I learnt about energy fields , did courses in Chelation and Reiki, I explored Hypnosis, NLP etc I just kept asking questions, and when we start asking questions, we start getting some answers.

I discovered that we play a big part in our own wellness. I discovered that yes holding onto anger, hurt or pain, do steal your energy, they bring the frequency down, and when that happens , we can become ill. So let them go, oh yes by all means express yourself, but then let it go. Wellness is all about creating harmony and balance in our bodies. Address, accept and release if you want to heal. An imbalance of any emotion isn’t good for us. If you are angry all the time, or never angry, there is an imbalance. If you are always joyful, or never joyful, there is an imbalance. Find the point in-between the two.

Don’t let the world affect you too much, but have compassion. Don’t take the world personally. We are human, we are perfectly imperfect. We hurt each other, let each other down all the time. Accept that without losing heart or becoming bitter. Learn to love anyway, regardless of what happens to you, it’s an intention, a journey, you may never reach perfection, but you will free yourself of unnecessary suffering if you can love anyway. There is more than one way to perceive the world and what is happening.

You’re probably asking yourself, did I heal? Yes I am well now, all the symptoms long gone. Are we ever fully healed though?  Well maybe when we die we reach that perfection! I believe that life will give us many wounds to heal as lessons present themselves to us. We can become bitter or better. We can manifest illness, or wellness. I use body intuition now. I ask what my body needs. If I start to feel unwell, I see what emotions, or thoughts I’ve been harbouring, I check my diet, exercise, relaxation, work life balance etc. if I need to rest, I rest. If I need to nurture myself I do that. I don’t smoke and I gave up alcohol. I look at the part I’m playing in creating the imbalance (Illness) and I seek to address it before it manifests into something again. So far so good.

I believe that if we can first accept where we are in life, and add some gratitude for where we are and what we are learning from the experiences, then, we can turn around and start asking the questions.

For me, on hindsight, the illness could have been a great excuse to just opt out of a boring, mundane life that seemed to have no place for me in it. It would have been so easy to ignore the niggling thought, that something wasn’t quite right, that I should be doing something more meaningful. It would have been so easy, to wallow in all the attention an illness can bring. It would have been so easy to fill my life with the endless drama of hospital tests and visits, and retired into my illness until I became it.

But something far greater was calling me, and here I am. I went on to train in Hypnosis, and Reiki, and now I’m embarking on Life Coaching. Is this better than been ill? Undoubtedly! Did I get to be kind and help people? Oh yes, all the time, and it’s so very rewarding.

 

So are you ready to start asking some questions?

Is my life all I want it to be?

How could it be better?

If I took full responsibility for my actions and the part I’m playing in what is happening in my life, how would things be different? People only get away with being mean to us, if we allow them to. Stop blaming. Stop allowing them to be mean. If that’s a part you play, recognize it.

If you are ill, what is the illness stopping you from doing, and what would your life look like if you weren’t ill, what would you have to do if you weren’t ill? (And I know that not all people who are ill can get better, but every illness is drawing our attention to something that remains unresolved in our lives I believe) So maybe if you deal with the underlying issues, you may find symptoms relieve somewhat, worth a try, no guarantees though.

If I communicated my wants and needs openly how would my life improve?

These are just some questions you could ask yourself. I discovered that is so very easy to make excuses as to why things are the way they are, but when we see that we can have choices instead of excuses, we can choose more wisely, and choose to make things that are important to us, a priority.

You can be part of the darkness or part of the light. Part of the problem or part of the solution. Just know the part you’re playing, know that you are choosing either one or the other, become aware, and make a conscious choice today, if you want things to be better. Start adding some joy to your world, or start adding more misery, the choice is yours my friend, as we have free will. But just know that you are not powerless in all of this. You have within you something so amazing and beautiful, that if you could see what I see, you would cry tears of joy at the miracle of it all. The sad part is that most of us live and die without ever realizing what treasure we hold within, and we never give the world the benefit of that abundance. So find your treasure and please share so that all may receive the wealth that you have inside of you. You are precious, can’t you see that?

Are you ready to let the  healing begin?


What Would Love Do Now?

July 19, 2012

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A while back I discovered a very useful principle that could be used with anyone and in most situations. The WWLDN (What would love do now) Principle lends an element of acceptance and empathy, that can create an oasis of calm for the eager practitioner.

Of course to practice this principle we must first be clear on exactly what love is.

So what is love?

Mmmmm, so many things spring to mind with the word love. Let’s keep it simple shall we?

Love is… patient… love is… kind… love is….understanding… love is supportive… love is…encouraging….love is… non judgemental…love is…non clinging… love is…non controlling…. love is…accepting… love is…gentle…. love is….forgiving… love is having a sense of humour and not taking things too personal… ok…. You see where I’m going with this?

The problem with most of us, is that we have been programmed most of our lives. We have been programmed to have rigid views and expectations. We see characters acting out scenarios on TV, showing us the way it should be. We see our parents, friends, family etc role modelling modes and opinions of accepted behaviour. And when something similar happens in our lives, we go into a kind of auto pilot response, of how we should be reacting, we don’t even think about it, and we can see or hear our mum, or our dad or whoever, in our heads, telling us how to argue with our spouses, partners, and friends. We hear those voices telling us not to let them away with it, or we see our TV characters behaviour in our minds and off we go, re creating some drama or other. Pretty scary huh! I think it is, and for a lot of my life it was exactly like that. Until I discovered, the WWLDN Principle.

So how does this change things?

Well…. Your kids are screaming at you and you are tempted to react like your mum, dad, friend etc. but you know it will mean you getting angry, maybe losing control again, and spending the rest of the day feeling guilty and apologizing, but knowing deep inside that you have damaged your relationship further, and that someday it will be too late to say sorry. So you pause for a moment and think What Would Love Do Now? And you think about what element of love is most appropriate in this situation. So maybe you’ll explore being kind, or being patient for example. And you notice that the anger dissipates, and over time your relationship heals.

Or your neighbour who always manages to push your buttons in a negative way and brings out the worst in you is moving in for the kill yet again and you’re fired up to give him/ her a piece of your mind, and you can feel the pressure in your head already as your blood pressure rises… and you pause for a moment and ask yourself… What Would Love Do Now? And again you explore the most appropriate component of love for this situation, so you may decide to just understand their point of view, or you may decide to be non controlling and let go of the need to be right. You might even bring some humour in and say to them, yes you’re right, I agree, and then walk away, watching their chin drop to the ground. Ego loves to be right, and if you let them be right without it becoming a personal issue for you, you might even get to have a little chuckle to yourself about the whole thing.

My life has changed in the most amazing ways since I started incorporating it into every interaction and situation. I can already see the difference of outcomes as compared to my pre WWLDN phase.

There are always opportunities to interrupt the way we’ve been programmed, and the WWLDN Principle is a great way to do this. Give it a go; see what kind of positive difference this makes in your life!


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