Written by Paula O’Sullivan
‘And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom’ – Anais Nin
Have you experienced this? I have, and I agree with Anais, it is painful, whether you stay as you are or grow. I remember crying to myself at one stage and almost wishing that I hadn’t been re awakened, because when we start to grow, we have to deal with stuff, and we have to be brutally honest with ourselves, and when we’ve been hiding behind excuses for a long time, well frankly it’s difficult. For me it was kinda like opening the door to a dusty attic that was full of crap that I no longer needed, some stuff I was still emotionally attached to, some stuff definitely had to go and some stuff I was afraid to get rid of in case I needed it someday! Lol.
And it’s not only a painful decision to make whether to stay as we are or to allow ourselves to grow, but yes it’s risky too. There are other people to consider in this also. It may be your partner, children, parents, friends, boss etc. etc. These people have gotten used to the old you, and hey, not many people welcome change as the great teacher that it is, now do they? Have you noticed this? People who are close to you start bristling and saying things that aren’t very supportive of the new you. It’s at this stage that it gets awkward, this is another painful bit, you think, will I back down, sure aren’t things alright as they are, or should I continue. (Bud or Blossom)
For me and my situation it was sort of like being on the Titanic, If I stayed as I was, I was going down into the abyss, if I changed it was like risking the icy waters of the unknown, and I didn’t know if I had the strength to swim. I didn’t even have much knowledge of what I was doing, but I followed my intuition and instincts, and I have come through it, stronger and wiser. Although my pain was great and sometimes still is, I have found levels of joy and bliss that I never could have believed existed. My growth has been gradual in parts of my life and rapid in other parts , but I’ve become more accepting of change, I’m not so afraid of it now, I’m up for the challenges life will bring me.