Climbing Out of the Abyss – Part 18

November 6, 2015

Interdependent

Interdependence

By Paula O’ Sullivan

Most of us interact in only two ways in our relationships, either through a state of dependence or independence. We have not learnt that everything we seek is inside of us already. We are not aware of our inner power. We seek happiness outside of ourselves, in relationships, or in the accumulation of material possessions etc. Dependence on others or things to completely satisfy our needs can leave us very vulnerable, as our expectations invariably won’t get met a lot of the time. Independence means we don’t really seek out the help of others, we become kind of disconnected from each other, as we strive to meet our own needs only. But there is another way of being, it’s called interdependence.

Let’s compare the three ways of being in relationships.

Interdependence is a way of being and acting that takes into account your needs and at the same time cares about others’ needs, instead of trying to just please or ignore others’ needs.

Dependence is being guided by what others think or what they ask you to do, it’s about trying to please others without regard for what you want. Sometimes it can also be about what you will get from an interaction, as opposed to what you can give. This can build up great walls of anger and resentment.

Independence is, in a way, ignoring others and our coexistence, it’s about wanting to deal with everything on your own, and in your own way and not acknowledge a need for support.

With Interdependence, we strive for balance in all our interactions. We aim for ‘win /win’, i.e. both parties have their say, both parties get their needs met without compromise, or it’s a ‘no deal’. If we make a sacrifice, then the other party will also make one to balance the arrangement. With dependence and independence, most of us don’t really listen, we base what we hear from others on our own autobiographical experiences. With interdependence we seek first to really understand the wants and needs of others, before we try to be understood ourselves. We begin the dance of creative cooperation between each other.  We begin to value our differences and respect each other’s uniqueness. We aim not to blame when things don’t work out, but seek instead to examine, the causes and effects of all behaviours involved, with each party accepting full responsibility for the part they have played.

Being interdependent with others becomes a balanced energy exchange, with neither party draining the other. Each stays true to their selves, and become involved without the demand that either should sacrifice their values or integrity. It paves the way for open communication and honesty. It creates a safe environment where both parties can become aware of their needs. We realize that we can’t change anyone, we can only change our behaviour, so we treat others as we’d like to be treated, and we won’t tolerate for long, not being treated with respect.  We begin to view ourselves as already whole, balanced and complete, there is nothing to gain from anyone. Our interactions become a mutual giving, to enhance, not to fill a void. We create and maintain healthy boundaries, knowing how to give help, but also knowing when to protect our own energy and health by saying no.

Part 19 – Addicted

Paula is an Author / Hypnotherapist / Reiki Healer / Artist / Photographer, in Blessington Co. Wicklow. www.i-want-a-better-life.ie / paulaosullivan1@gmail.com / Phone 086 0848398 All her articles to date are on her blog www.paulaosullivan@wordpress.com


Climbing Out of the Abyss- Part 10

February 4, 2015

Entrainment

 Entrainment

“If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.” ― Nikola Tesla

Have you ever met someone or been in a situation where you felt really good and energised, or felt drained or out of sorts afterwards?

Your body has a natural mechanism that synchs you with strong external rhythms. There is a Universal law of Harmony for the purpose of conserving energy. In physics, it has been observed that there is less energy used where two objects are entrained with each other. Any two vibrating bodies will entrain their energy, if exposed to each other for long enough.

Some examples of this: Pendulum clocks, even if the pendulums are swung in different directions or speed initially, they will eventually fall into sync with each other. Women in close proximity, ie Nuns or very close friends etc will entrain their menstrual cycles, so that they happen at the same time.

A person who has a higher vibration will cause others energy to rise and entrain in sync with theirs, enabling them to feel better. It’s important to become aware of your energy vibration, because if it’s lower, people will feel worse leaving you, as they may entrain to your energy. Or if you’re not aware of your energy, you can entrain to their lower energy and feel drained. Some people entrain with every person they meet, and they can end up taking on a lot of energy that isn’t theirs, which can lead to weight gain, addictions, health problems and emotional imbalances. Most of us aren’t in sync with each other and this can be draining. People will entrain to the most dominant energy.

How do you know what vibration you are? Are you ill, depressed, unhappy, stressed, have lots of conflicts, eating poorly? You have a low vibration. When you are well, relaxed, calm, eating nutritious foods and thinking positive you have a higher vibration.

We also entrain with our expectations, thoughts are energy too. Have you ever visited family or old friends and ended up acting the way you used to act, or saying things that aren’t the kind of things you’d say nowadays? They seem to bring out the worst / best in you, or the old you? Well you’ve unconsciously entrained to their expectations of you, we show them, what they continually expect of us.

This works with children too. Nobody can rise to low expectations! Everyone has the ability to show us either their good or their bad side. We can’t control the behaviour or change others, we can only control and change our thoughts and behaviours, that’s really important. But we can influence and inspire them energetically, to show us their better side a bit more, by thinking about the side of them we like the most.

If you are having a conflict, by matching (entraining) your breath to theirs, you will increase your understanding of each other. Or by choosing to be aware (mindfulness part 6) you can decide to not entrain with them, keeping your energy vibration higher will be less draining for you. If you slow your breathing down and stay calm (managing stress & anxiety part 8) if you have a long enough time with them, their energy will entrain with yours instead.

Part 11 The Happiness Ratio

Paula is an Author/ Hypnotherapist / Reiki Healer / Artist in Blessington Co. Wicklow. www.i-want-a-better-life.ie / paulaosullivan1@gmail.com / Phone 086 0848398 All her articles to date are on her blog www.paulaosullivan@wordpress.com


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