Can you hear the whisper in the breeze? Come back, come back it implores, come back to source. Come back to love, come back to the old ways, to the simplicity, come back to your heart, and let your ego be quiet. Listen to me, listen to me it whispers, listen to me it implores, come back, come back, come back to source.
We’re born authentic, we just learn how not be, as we grow up. We learn that being ourselves pisses some people off, so we change, and we change, until we wake up one morning and no longer know who we really are. We are a montage of others expectations and desires and needs. It’s so sad.
Re discovering your authenticity takes time and patience. It requires a flexible approach. It’s difficult to know where to begin, it’s hard to know what kind of questions to ask, but start asking you must.
Being authentic means being genuine, reliable and trustworthy. Maybe that’s a good place to start. Ask yourself, am I any of these things, and if I’m not, that’s okay, but how can I get to be them? What do I need to do? And most importantly of all, do I really want to become these qualities? Or am I getting some form of payback by not being them? All our behaviours have some form of payback, otherwise we wouldn’t do them.
How do I become genuine? By being true to yourself first. Stop saying yes, when you really mean no. Stop doing or saying things that you know people what to hear or see. Become aware of what you really want to say or do. This doesn’t give you a licence to be uncaring, unhelpful, selfish or insensitive either! A genuine person will kindly explain in some instances why they don’t want to do something. I do it all the time, I say thanks but I’m not up for that at the moment, or I’m a bit drained right now, could you please ask someone else to do that, for example. The world goes on with or without you, and most people will respect your honesty, rather than your unwilling participation. Say what you mean and mean what you say. It takes awareness to do this. Become aware of the things you say or think, and question them, is it true, or is it something a friend, partner or parent always says? Does this really represent you? Chip away at all the bull, you’ll find yourself in there somewhere. I did.
How can I become reliable? Do what you say on the tin! When you align what you think, with what you say, with what you do. There will be no conflict inside of you, and if you say you’ll do something, or you’ll be somewhere, or you say you are a certain type of person, then you will be, because your thoughts, words and actions will show that. There will be harmony within.
How can I become trustworthy? Well, for a start, treat others as you would like to be treated. If you want to be let down, lied to, cheated on, used etc keep going as you are, if you’re like that. No one will trust you, except the odd fool, but even they will cop on eventually. Begin by becoming what you would like to experience with others. Be honest with yourself first. Know what you want and need, and communicate that as openly as possible with others, without fear of their disapproval. Develop an image of yourself as being trusted and being trusting. Take full responsibility for your actions, and stop blaming others, for the part you played.
Let go of your need for approval from others. Catch yourself out, when you do this. Become aware of it. Most of us have this child inside us wanting to be seen as the good boy or girl! I laughed when I became aware of this in me. Now I couldn’t give two hoots if you approve of me or not, I do my own thing, it’s very liberating I can tell you.
I no longer worry about or care what anyone thinks. Of course there are limits, the world may not always understand you, there will always be someone who disapproves of you, or the way you think, or the way you dress etc. But when you are being authentic and true to yourself, that won’t really bother you too much, as you’ll see that the issue isn’t with you after all, as you now accept yourself… you’ll see that the issue is now with them, and it’s their problem to solve.
For now you are happy and authentic and unapologetically free!
I’ll leave you with two quotes.
“Real isn’t how you are made,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.’
‘Does it hurt?’ asked the Rabbit.
‘Sometimes,’ said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. ‘When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.’
‘Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,’ he asked, ‘or bit by bit?’
‘It doesn’t happen all at once,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
― Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit
“There is nothing more beautiful than seeing a person being themselves. Imagine going through your day being unapologetically you.”