Climbing Out of the Abyss- Part 20

March 17, 2016

It’s a Generational Thing

By Paula O’Sullivan

Seven Generations

‘Hurt people, hurt people. That’s how pain patterns get passed on, generation after generation after generation. Break the chain today. Meet anger with sympathy, contempt with compassion and cruelty with kindness. Greet grimaces with smiles. Forgive and forget about finding fault. Love is the weapon of the future.’- Yehuda Berg (Quote)

Stories in Ancient Lore suggest our thoughts, words and deeds all have the power to affect seven generations.

As mentioned in a previous article, by the age of six, we have witnessed our parents, guardians, siblings etc. response to the world with all the dramas and challenges of living, and we have learned our responses from them. Unless we challenge it, this is the way we too will carry on responding and reacting for the rest of our lives. Sometimes we even end up marrying someone like a parent, so our stories continue!

Most of us, were not brought up to love ourselves. Our parents didn’t love themselves, they were too stressed out trying to survive, and their parents certainly didn’t, it was even harder for them. And what about their parents, and their parents, go back seven generations, was there ever any concept of love given? For some of us it was a ‘spare the rod and spoil the child’ kind of concept. For others it was a ‘let that child cry, you’ll only spoil it if you give it too much attention’. These are just brief examples, but what kind of pain do they teach? The teach us that violence is an acceptable way to make people do what you want them to do, and that anger and abuse are an acceptable way for us to express and inflict our own deep emotional pain on others. They teach us that we are unworthy of loving and being loved, so we end up with low self-esteem, forever after either feeling inferior or the opposite, superior to others. Low self-esteem always swings like this, you never feel equal to anyone.

I also hear so much about illnesses etc. running in families. No one ever questions it, they just blame it on the genes, but the genes are only reactors to stimuli from the environment, they switch on and off as required, according to research by Dr. Bruce Lipton in his book, ‘The Biology of Belief’. A lot of people though if they look, will find that similar thought patterns and behaviours also run in families, which holistically are linked to those so called hereditary illnesses.

I’ve spent the past few years leaning to love myself and others. I’ve broken the pattern of my generations by changing myself first. In doing so I’ve shown my children an example of a different way of being in the world. Was I afraid to change, to break out of the norm or of what I was brought up to believe was the correct way to be? Oh yes, it took enormous courage to become who I really am and to honour that integrity above all else. But in doing so, I have opened a doorway for my children to be more loving, and hopefully if they have children, they too will improve on that. In this way we raise our consciousness and create a better world for all.

Part 21 – Mastering the Self.

Paula is an Author / Hypnotherapist / Reiki Healer / Artist / Photographer, in Blessington Co. Wicklow. www.i-want-a-better-life.ie / paulaosullivan1@gmail.com / Phone 086 0848398 All her articles to date are on her blog www.paulaosullivan@wordpress.com

 


Climbing Out of the Abyss – Part 18

November 6, 2015

Interdependent

Interdependence

By Paula O’ Sullivan

Most of us interact in only two ways in our relationships, either through a state of dependence or independence. We have not learnt that everything we seek is inside of us already. We are not aware of our inner power. We seek happiness outside of ourselves, in relationships, or in the accumulation of material possessions etc. Dependence on others or things to completely satisfy our needs can leave us very vulnerable, as our expectations invariably won’t get met a lot of the time. Independence means we don’t really seek out the help of others, we become kind of disconnected from each other, as we strive to meet our own needs only. But there is another way of being, it’s called interdependence.

Let’s compare the three ways of being in relationships.

Interdependence is a way of being and acting that takes into account your needs and at the same time cares about others’ needs, instead of trying to just please or ignore others’ needs.

Dependence is being guided by what others think or what they ask you to do, it’s about trying to please others without regard for what you want. Sometimes it can also be about what you will get from an interaction, as opposed to what you can give. This can build up great walls of anger and resentment.

Independence is, in a way, ignoring others and our coexistence, it’s about wanting to deal with everything on your own, and in your own way and not acknowledge a need for support.

With Interdependence, we strive for balance in all our interactions. We aim for ‘win /win’, i.e. both parties have their say, both parties get their needs met without compromise, or it’s a ‘no deal’. If we make a sacrifice, then the other party will also make one to balance the arrangement. With dependence and independence, most of us don’t really listen, we base what we hear from others on our own autobiographical experiences. With interdependence we seek first to really understand the wants and needs of others, before we try to be understood ourselves. We begin the dance of creative cooperation between each other.  We begin to value our differences and respect each other’s uniqueness. We aim not to blame when things don’t work out, but seek instead to examine, the causes and effects of all behaviours involved, with each party accepting full responsibility for the part they have played.

Being interdependent with others becomes a balanced energy exchange, with neither party draining the other. Each stays true to their selves, and become involved without the demand that either should sacrifice their values or integrity. It paves the way for open communication and honesty. It creates a safe environment where both parties can become aware of their needs. We realize that we can’t change anyone, we can only change our behaviour, so we treat others as we’d like to be treated, and we won’t tolerate for long, not being treated with respect.  We begin to view ourselves as already whole, balanced and complete, there is nothing to gain from anyone. Our interactions become a mutual giving, to enhance, not to fill a void. We create and maintain healthy boundaries, knowing how to give help, but also knowing when to protect our own energy and health by saying no.

Part 19 – Addicted

Paula is an Author / Hypnotherapist / Reiki Healer / Artist / Photographer, in Blessington Co. Wicklow. www.i-want-a-better-life.ie / paulaosullivan1@gmail.com / Phone 086 0848398 All her articles to date are on her blog www.paulaosullivan@wordpress.com


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